


My heart calls to thee

by georgialee06



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:20:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29086002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgialee06/pseuds/georgialee06
Summary: Set during Brianna’s time at River Run while her parents search for Roger. Will true love hold out for his return or surprise her in a hopeless place?
Relationships: Brianna Fraser/original character, Brianna Randall Fraser MacKenzie/Roger MacKenzie Wakefield, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 31
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never bought the Roger and Bree story line. I always wondered what she would do if faced with true love and a soul mate. Would she still hold true to Roger for the sake of him being the potential father of her child or would she chance love?

I stood staring out the hall window across the vast plains of fields, workers scurried about tools in hand as the blazing hot rays of sun struck down upon them with no mercy. Mama and Da had been gone for three weeks, gone in search of Roger, my Roger, how I prayed that he was still alive, that they would find him and that he would still want me, love me. A gentle fluttering in my stomach brought me back, my hands in absent mindedness rubbing small soothing circles across it. Hush now child all will be well. 

I was getting used to the patter and routine of the days at River Run, Aunt Jocasta was kind, understanding and caring, but very meddling! It seemed her every effort was now to secure me a husband. Time she reminded me was against us. I felt for sure I would only be able to deflect her endeavours for a short time. I was to be shocked however at how quickly the woman works.

It was a bright morning, sunlight streaming through the crack in the curtains. I had barely awoken when Phaedra came barrelling into the room. Opening the curtains wide and summoning me to the mirror. Pulling dresses from the trunks and skirts from drawers. She had an air of glee and excitement that flowed and filled the room. Her cheeks pinked with a broad smile that made her eyes sparkle.

“What’s going on? What are you doing?”

“We need to be fitting you for a dress Miss Brianna. For the dinner party.”

Dragging myself from bed I walked over to her. Dresses now covering chairs and the vacated bed. More than I knew I had, clearly she had brought some with her.

“But I don’t need a new dress!”

“Awk you canna be attending a formal dinner in any auld dress Miss Brianna!”

“These are fine am sure for a small dinner party.” 

I swept my hand to several that draped over the chairs and bed in my room.

“Fine day dresses to be sure Miss, but you need a touch of fancy detailing to stand out at a ball.”

“What exactly has my Aunt arranged?” 

I was aware of the upcoming dinner, I assumed I would stay hidden from sight, my condition, though still well disguised when dressed was becoming noticeable to those who cared to pay attention. 

“Mistress Cameron has invited several local families, she wishes to introduce you to the society in the area.”

“Introduce me? But I’m not staying here, when Mama, Da and Roger get back I’ll be leaving.”

“You dinna ken when that will be. Mistress Cameron thinks it’ll do a world of good for you to ken some folks from around here. Now straighten up to I get you measured. I think this one will alter up just beautiful.”

I wasn’t getting out of this dinner and fear twisted within me. Phaedra hadn’t said much but enough for my mind to run wild. This was no small dinner party gathering, this surly was her way of securing me a husband. An unwanted husband at that. I will not be marrying anyone but Roger. I needed to speak to my Aunt again and soon.


	2. New arrivals

The atmosphere in the house was a buzz, servants running to and fro electrifying the air with each step and excited gasps and giggles. I had been feeling down overwhelmed by all that was out of my control. Aunt Jocasta was unmoving in her determination to have the dinner party and introduce me to all in attendance. That stubborn Mackenzie trait as unwavering as the Fraser one. Raised voices, idle threats and tears did nothing to dissuade either of us. Dinner had been eaten in stilled and awkward silence, my heart breaking audibly at the truth of her words. 

“A bairn needs a father Brianna, a child out of wedlock will be shunned, deemed a bastard for life.”

“But I am married, to Roger we were handfasted! That counts for something.”

“Done in front of no witnesses and no one has seen hide nor tail of him since the deed was done but yet the incident in the tavern was seen by many.”

“I was raped! 

Tears swelled in my eyes 

“Auntie can’t they see it wasn’t willing.”

“Ack lass dinna cry ye ken it makes no mind of difference to me, ye did nay wrong but rape is never seen in society as anything more than excuses for loose women. It’s what people will say for your child, it will have no legitimacy. But a child born within a valid, lawful marriage will be deemed the husbands whether he sired it or no.”

It was a painful truth to hear but in this time, Christ, even in my own, rape victims were looked upon as equal of blame. Unmarried women, pregnant with a child from a catholic family such as mine would be shipped off out of sight. A dirty secret that needed to be hidden and yet I didn’t want to hide, I wanted to be proud of my child, mine and Roger’s child. But doubt clouded around me, stripping the light, the hope from my very bones, it could also be Stephen Bonnet’s child. That was a truth I could never get away from. 

It was why this morning I allowed myself, despite the heaviness within my body to be caught up with the excitement permeating the house and grounds. Two new carriage horses had arrived and magnificent wasn’t the word to describe them. Jet black with long names and tails, the gentle waves within bounced and flicked the suns rays as they pranced, drawing the eye to them in a trance, as a voyeur unable to look away from the tantalising tist taking place. All eyes were on them transfixed. 

“Oh Miss Brianna aren’t they just the most beautiful creatures you have ever seen?! Mistress Cameron had them bred and bought from McLeod!s they are the best horse breeders this side of New York.” 

“They are something alright, just beautiful Da will love them I don’t think he will have seen a finer horse in years!”

“Who are the McLeods?”

“Neighbours of your Aunts, their estate borders River Run at the Northwestern side. The family have been breeding horses for near on 20 years. For most it was just the father and son but Mr McLeod died a few winters past,now the son takes all to do.”

“How sad, no mother around?”

“Nah though I can’t remember what happened to her, before my memory.”

“Well the son must be doing a fine job still to produce horses of that quality.”

I wanted to go to the horses pat them breath in that familiar horse musk that settles the soul. But Aunt Jocasta banned me, concerned for my condition around new horses the stable hands did not yet know. So I was stood on the porch at the kitchen watching longingly as they were led to their new home, a gentle whinny ringing out as the entered. The euphoria from the arrival and the buzz reverberated around me. It helped fortified my soul, strange how a general euphoric high in a place can influence those passing through.


	3. Prepare your mind

Aunt Jocasta held command of the house that would rival any ships captain. Acutely aware of everything that was happening she took on the role of head of the house with gusto. It was a role she was born and bred to have, the strong Mackenzie traits coming through. The dinner party was this evening and every inch of the house was filled with fresh flowers, wine, ale, food, chairs and servants. Despite the rapid movements of their comings and going’s there was still a distinct calmness in their actions. Each aware of the tasks they needed to complete but also aware of the tasks of others, not once did they overstep, re do or collide with each other. I stood looking over the third floor banister at the spectacle below me, having found the only safe space as servants and maids scurried up and around preparing rooms. 

Resigning myself to the truth of the party I had allowed Phaedra to alter the dress and design my hair style and select jewellery for the occasion. I had come to the conclusion that I highly doubted my Aunt would force me to wed. My Mother and Father would definitely have something to say on the matter, when they returned and so I had decided to simply appear at the party, enjoy it for the food and company but avoid being courted by any possible suitors my Aunt would undoubtedly push my way.  
As charming and beautiful as Aunt Jocasta was no doubt portraying me, no man would want a pregnant, cantankerous and fiercely independent women for a wife. If needed I could be very outspoken and unladylike to boot.  
Not the best plan to avoid an unwanted marriage but it was the only plan I had to hold to. The others involved putting the marriage off as long as possible until Roger returned with Mama and Da or convincing someone who didn’t want to marry me to pretend to be engaged and then wait for Roger. I snorted at the idiocy of the thoughts knowing neither would work. I didn’t know anyone here except within this house so my best hope was to avoid proposals. 

I stood staring at my reflection in the mirror as the last afternoon light shone through the window. The light picking up the red within my hair highlighting it and refracting colours across the room. I felt beautiful, the dress, hair and jewellery complimented each other and I could see Phaedra beaming with pride at her achievement. To see her smile so freely and genuinely, the smooth honey coloured skin taut across her cheeks, dimples peeking out and eyes shining bright I couldn’t help but feel love towards her. She was beautiful, kind and caring always upbeat and had a contentment that radiated from her. It broke my heart that she was a slave held here against her will never to be able to make choices of her own, raise children without the knowledge that they would be slaves too.  
I wanted to tell her that slaves would be freed one day, but that was still many years away and even in my time I’d seen the treatment towards black people, the cruelty and segregation that existed, even two hundred years wouldn’t make that much difference to how they were viewed.  
I could never understand why people thought this was fine, the right thing to be doing? My mind was racing, guilt suddenly overbearing on me, here I was complaining about a dinner party, a lavish dinner party at that when all over my Aunt’s lands men, women and children were being held as slaves, they didn’t pout and complain yet that was all I had done with no reason to! I was being selfish and embarrassment was beginning to radiate through me, I couldn’t look at Phaedra. I was so selfish, I couldn’t bear it.  
I needed to get out get away from the house. Colours were swirling in the backs of my eyes and I felt as though my feet were ploughing through thick mud, my breathing hitching in my chest.

“Phaedra thank you for your assistance I, I need to need to get air.”

Pointing stupidly at the door I bolted through it and down the stairs. The bustle of servants finishing the final touches for the dinner followed me out the side door as I ran for the safe haven of the stables. At this time it would be empty, all stable hands having finished the chores and feeding and would be waiting in the stables built for guests.  
The party was soon to begin but the panic gripping my throat and chest was not lifting. Pushing the large barn door open I entered, the dusty darkening building stood silent save for the rhythmic chomping of hay.  
The heady aroma of oats, hay and horse mingled in the air and shafts of light picked up the dust floating freely through the air. I breathed in deeply, the deep calming breaths soothing my soul and I could feel my heart begin to slow. So many thoughts mashed in my head, fighting for dominance, where were Mama and Da? Had they found Roger? Would they be back soon? How could I avoid an unwanted marriage? What would become of my baby and me? Should I just return to my time? I didn’t hate this time, I did feel at home but slavery? can I stay and be complaisant to it? Could I make changes? I just didn’t know but I knew I needed to get through tonight, first hurdle then worry about the rest, I can’t make decisions about staying or leaving just yet and I can’t find Mama or Da nor can I know what Roger will do so....  
oh please Roger please come back to me. I felt a tear fall and swiped it away.  
I need to stop being so selfish and self centred I told myself. I wasn’t in this alone I had the love and support of others around me. I had been so dismissive towards Phaedra and my Aunt over this party and my dress, it wasn’t right to take out my frustrations on them. I think apologies are needed all round.  
You listen so well, I patted and stroked the solid muscled neck of Fionn, he was a beautiful dappled grey stallion used by my Aunt and I had found comfort standing patting and tending to him so often these last weeks. You can speak to animals in a way that you can’t to people, disclosing the deepest hurts and joys of your heart and soul. They never betray your trust and yet I feel they do understand. Caught in a world of my own my hand had stilled, a wicker and a nose nudged into my side brought me around. 

“Ha your not getting the attention you want, eh boy? Is that it? I’m sorry but I do have to go Fionn, I have a party to go to this evening Aunt Jocasta, your owner has arranged it. She’s trying to find me a husband,” I whispered. “You wouldn’t do that to me? Would you?” 

A gentle snort responded, sending small droplets of horse snort over my right hand and arm.

“Ewh I’ll take that as a no!” 

Laughing I took my handkerchief and wiped the mess. With a final pat I moved away to leave.

“Thank you Fionn for listening but I really must get back before you make any more of a mess to my outfit or Phaedra will have you for breakfast!”

With the loss of attention and my impassioned speech Fionn merely swished his tail and turned back to his hay, munching happily as I strolled down the barn to leave.  
I reached my hand to the barn door and suddenly I was shot backwards, landing heavily on my arse, a ringing pain washing in waves up my left arm.

“Oh mistress I’m sae sorry ye alright there? Let me help ye up? Oh I canna believe that happened? Are ye alright? Awh I’ll help ye up, I didna realise anyone was in here”

The Scots blur of his accent mixed with what I in my time would recognise as southern drawl assaulted my ears with question, exclamation and apology. I was still on the barn floor, shocked and still trying to figure out what had happened unable to make myself answer or respond. I took a breath in but hadn’t released it when I was sprung to my feet, two hands under my arms, then he was brushing frantically at my skirts still apologising, never drawing a breath. 

“I’m fine really, I’m fine, you don’t need,no, no, really it’s fine, thank you really, DO YOU EVER STOP!” 

I yelled, the hands stopped mid swipe and quickly were removed. Brushing my skirts myself I could hear him bristle behind me and a small throaty cough made me turn to face him for the first, ready to do battle with scathing retort but on looking at my mystery assailant my breath caught, leaving me standing there mouth agape slightly with no words forming and my mind racing. 

“I beg your pardon mistress, I hope I havna offended your gentlewomenly sensibilities with my actions.”

A red flush was spreading up from his stocked neck and I could see he was embarrassed, I could also see he was stunning, beautifully formed. Clad in full highland regalia, navy jacket, waist coat, ruffled shirt and stock, kilt and boots. Mama had recounted how handsome Da had looked in his and I always knew when I was growing up she had thing for men in kilts, now I could see why.  
He wasn’t overly tall 5”8 or 9 maybe, much shorter than me but well built, the strong muscular lines of his shoulders and arms visible even through the jacket, he had a broad set jaw, cleanly shaved with dirty fair hair lighten in parts by the sun, neatly pulled back into a que. His eyes, dark brown pools, darted around the barn the pink tinged flush on his cheeks still evident from his earlier embarrassment.  
I realised I had been staring at him, mouth agape and unanswering to his comment, suddenly a flush of heat rose in my cheeks matching his own. I pulled my gaze to the floor to hide my embarrassment still unable to form words. 

“I’m sorry Mistress once again, I should be going, sorry to disturb ye.”

He bowed curtly and went to leave I felt a panic flood my senses and half breathed and shouted towards him

“What where you doing in here?!”

Colour drained from his face and panic flashed momentarily in his eyes.

“I I er I wasnna doing anything wrong, I just was coming to check in the twa new horses I sold to Mistress Cameron is all.”

“I wasn’t accusing you of anything just wondering, I apologise for my tone towards you.” 

A relieved smile spread across his face.

“Are you Mr McLeod?”

“At your service Mistress, Alistair Simon Cameron McLeod.”

He give a courtly leg towards me.

“Brianna Ellen Fraser.” 

I bobbed a curtsy in return. Sudden realisation formed in Mr McLeod’s face 

“Awh yer the guest of honour this evening? Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

He extended his hand to mine.

“Pleased to make yours as well Mr McLeod.” 

As our hands touched I felt a tingle of energy surge up my arm. I still couldn’t pull my eyes from him trying to take in all of his appearance and form. He laid a kiss on my hand and I thought my heart would stop.

“Well I best be going dinna want to be late, Mistress Cameron’s parties are legendary in these parts.”

With a final bow and a smile that shot straight to my chest, he walked passed me out the door with his kilt swinging.  
Oh dear this is not good, catch a grip Bree I sighed.


	4. So it begins

Nerves! why nerves what is wrong with me? I thought I had calmed myself down? It’s only a dinner party, you will be fine, just smile and nod politely. Meet the friends and acquaintances of my Aunt, avoid marriage proposals, you can do this. My hands felt clammy and I wiped them on my skirt repeatedly trying to dry them. Ulysses appeared beside me. 

“Miss Brianna are you ready? your Aunt is waiting for you.”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

I replied in a confident sing songy voice. I breath in and out, I can do this.

Smiling, I took his offered hand and descended the stairs. The house was beautiful, flowers delicately arranged in china vases and along the stairs, their scent gently wafting to my nose as I breezed passed, my skirt brushing against them. The sounds of a quartet playing in the background mingled with china and glassware clinking and my childhood playtime imaginations came flooding back, playing dress up and hosting tea parties. Only this party wouldn’t end with Mama tucking me into bed and reading a story.

The front reception room was full and Ulysses at the entrance door stopped me still with my hand at his side

“May I present Miss Brianna Ellen Fraser niece of Mistress Jocasta Cameron.”

All eyes had turned towards us and Ulysses on completing his announcement moved back and to the side leaving me exposed to all the guests. Catching my Aunt stood proudly to one side with another servant, I pulled on that MacKenzie Fraser strength to put on a show. I curtsied formally to the room and moved to address my Aunt.

“Good evening Aunt Jocasta the party looks wonderful.”

“Ack dear child it is nothing am glad you approve. Perhaps it’s time to introduce my guests to you before we sit to dine.”

The last was addressed to the room and as though rehearsed they all moved as one forming a line to be received by Aunt Jocasta and myself. Ulysses had now re joined my Aunt standing behind her just to one side. As each person approached Ulysses told my Aunt who it was with practiced ease. 

“Awh Mistress Grant and her son Clifford Grant.”

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance Mistress Grant and Mr Grant.”

“Ack the pleasure is all mine and my son’s. ye look resplendent and that charming necklace, just beautiful.”

A knowing glance and smile at my Aunt, clear in the understanding that it was one from her private collection 

“Isn’t Mistress Fraser just resplendent Clifford?”

“Yeyeyess!” He half shouted out in a breathe.   
“Shshsheee looks bebebebeautiful.” 

He stuttered with nerves, before I could respond or try to put him at ease, as his face flushed blood red Mrs Grant had interrupted his last word.

“Well yes dear of course she is, that’s what I did say?! These young men now a days Jocasta hmph you would wonder how they woo a match at all with unoriginal muttering! Well we will speak with you later my dear and fabulous party Jocasta as always we must make arrangements for tea very soon.”

With a bob, she and poor Clifford were swept away, Mrs Grant taking the lead like a ship in full sail across the drawing room towards the dining room. I felt a pang of sympathy for poor put upon Clifford no wonder he struggled to speak to the opposite sex. 

“Such a lovely boy but a more overbearing mother you won’t find!” Chuckled Aunt Jocasta.

I noticed that the ratio of men to women was slightly skewed but not much, my Aunt had perhaps taken on board my protestations. The next in line was a mother and father with a teenage aged daughter, she looked about 16 or 17 ideal marrying age in this time.   
I thought resolutely to myself, if my child is a girl she won’t be forced into a marriage at that age or indeed any age. The girl stood to one side. She was pretty, slight in build and height with almost mouse like features, she fiddled nervously at the small silk purse she had looped over one tiny elegant wrist.   
I felt gigantic beside her. I had taken after my father in height and had broad shoulders and large hands and feet, unusual for this time for a lady to be this big, I had never felt unsure or out of place despite towering over most of my friends and family back home and even here were I stood taller than all but my Father.   
Now suddenly stood in front of this tiny mouse like creature I felt out of place, like a freak show at the circus. I felt a flush rising up my neck and face and I wanted to run. Run far away, back to the stones forget all that were here, this before me was what was deemed acceptable for a wife, who would want me? Except maybe Roger but there was no word and no guarantee that he would return for me. I wanted to cry out. I would be left with a child and no husband, my child having no hope, I needed to return home to my time, it would be better there for me, I could work, the money Mama left and the house, we would be fine.   
Wait! why I am freaking out over no one from this time wanting to marry me?! Is that not what I had been hoping, planning for? Give me time for Roger to be found, return to me? Surely this was the ideal solution, who would I want to marry me in the time and this party anyway? Then the realisation hit me, him, I saw him standing in the line up looking straight at me, a shy smile quirking only half his mouth, as my heart beat loudly catching in my throat. Oh no no no this can’t be happening!! Erghh!!

“Sorry what did you say Miss Campbell?”

“Miss Campbell was asking if you enjoyed horseback riding niece, she is a fine horsewomen herself isn’t that right dear?”

“Yes I have always loved being around horses Mistress Cameron.”

“Her Father is a local merchant and Mrs and Miss Campbell spend most time at their estate, they have some fine beasts.”

Her father was standing looking proudly at his wife who was yet to speak, I think? I’d zoned out at initial introductions thinking about marrying Mr McLeod. No stop it, I shook my head, stay focused Bree.

“Yes Miss Campbell, I do love horses and am looking forward to exploring the estate lands at my Aunt’s soon, perhaps you could join me?”

“Please call me Jane, yes I would love that.” She beamed 

“Please, then I insist you must call me Brianna.”

Mr and Mrs Campbell finished conversing with my aunt and after courtly bows left heading towards the dining hall.

“Mr Forbes and his mother, Mrs Forbes.”

“Good evening to you Mistress Cameron a delight to see you as always. This is your beautiful niece you have spoken off before? Awh your descriptions don’t even come close to the actuality.”

Mr Forbes closed the space between him and me, grabbing my hand to bow over and place an elegant kiss on. 

Pulling my hand back slightly too sharply. 

“Why thank you for the too kind words you really do exaggerate.” 

I said with shaking head. His mother, a frail looking women of advanced age was smiling in wondered Awh at her son.

“Mr Forbes is a local solicitor and has been mine and my late husband’s legal adviser for many years.”

I could feel the eyes of said solicitor boring into every inch of my body and I noted to myself to avoid his presence for the entire night if possible. The family behind made up of mother, father and daughter were becoming impatient waiting but the look on the daughters face was what caught my attention, no she couldn’t be? With this man? In love? But that was the emotion I could clearly read on her face as she stared at Mr Forbes. 

“Mr and Mrs Simpson and their daughter Maria.”

“Good evening to you Mistress Cameron and Miss Fraser, it’s a delight to meet any family of Mistress Cameron. Her and her late husband have been kindly neighbours for many a year, our estates border River Run.”

“It is lovely to make your acquaintance, I’m so glad to be introduced to my Aunt’s friends and neighbours.” 

I smiled, though it didn’t feel genuine and I only hoped it looked warm and friendly. No further comment was made and they moved off into the rest of the waiting crowd at the dining room. This was tedious but I doing well so far, nearly time for dinner. Who is next in line. 

“Brianna let me introduce you to Mr McLeod.”

Oh shit.


	5. Is that clock broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have read this work so far. I have it completed so there won’t be delays with new chapters being posted. I hope you enjoy

Time is a strange old thing, a moment of joy encased in happiness can see hours fly by in an instant. However when considered with a dinner party surrounded on all sides by Mrs Grant and her put upon son, Mr Forbes and Lord and Lady Robertson with their second son Edward, all the while being watched with intense eyes by Maria Simpson and the formidable Miss Clara Robinson it positively dragged. 

Miss Clara Robinson was an elderly spinster with a booming voice and scathing manner. She was the dear sister of Mrs Georgina Mitford seated with her son and daughter George and Iona. George was pleasingly handsome but uninterested in the party, I couldn’t blame him. He engaged little in conversation with anyone seated near to him and seemed to have developed an attachment to the wine decanter.  
His sister Iona was slender in build with rich brunette hair style fashionably. Her dress a deep navy with cream embroidery and lace work screamed expensive, her Father was the wealthiest man in Wilmington after all. Her slightly unturned nose added to the overall impression of her being spoilt and someone well used to getting her own way. She was seated towards the opposite end of the table to myself but her loud exclamations and high pitched giggles couldn’t be ignored and she was sitting beside Mr McLeod. 

“Am sorry what did you ask Mr Forbes?”

“Gerald, please call me Gerald we are amongst friends. Have you been at River Run for long?”

“Am-I-am, a few weeks.” 

I stammered trying to focus on the conversation here and not the other end of the table. 

“Oh where is it then that you lived previously?”

“Well I live with my Father and Mother at their house, on lands known as Frasers Ridge.” 

I quirked one brow as I spoke, knowing full well that Mr Forbes knew this and wondered why he asked.

“Well am sure after sampling the finer side of life in the Carolinas I would imagine you’d be in no hurry to head to the back country again.” 

He almost laughed this last out. Stopping to take a sip from his wine glass, all the while keeping his beady eyes fixed on me. 

“So dangerous and wild, unruly not fit for a proper young lady. Society, routine and a husband that’s what a young lady needs.”

A smug smile crept over his face, as again his eyes bored into me. I highly doubted that Mr Forbes had any clue what a young lady actually needed. I cast my eyes around the others hoping to direct their attentions and remove myself from this conversation, but alas it was not to be. 

“How many acres did you say your Father had at his disposal?”

“I didn’t say and I must admit I find the wildness and vast untamed beauty of the back country, as you describe it, to be most agreeable and freeing. Wouldn’t you agree Mrs Grant? Unspoiled beauty just like the Highlands, where were you raised yourself?” 

I knew this question would grab the focus of Mrs Grant, always keen to speak and take centre stage, if she wasn’t trying to promote poor Clifford forward without actually allowing him to speak for himself of course, she was delighted to regale the room with tales of herself and her childhood. I only had to sit back, smile and nod encouragingly.  
Thankfully the tales of bonny Scotland and the Highlands seemed to spark interest and debate and soon dinner was over, Mr Forbes being unable to get another question in. 

My chair was pulled out by a servant and Aunt Jocasta invited the dinner party to join her in the parlour, where Miss Iona Mitford would be providing some evening entertainment with song and piano playing. Perhaps light entertainment of this kind would help me to keep Mr Forbes at bay, I had been told by my Aunt to ensure I spoke to all her guests after all.  
While distracted on this thought and having trouble breathing due to corsets, heavy food and pregnancy, Mr Forbes had seized this opportunity to grasp my arm in his and offer to accompany me to a seat much to the chagrin of Mrs Grant whose face was now flushed red, eyes and lips pinched. With her round face and small stature it made her look like an angry pug dog and I had to look away to stifle a giggle. Only I wish I hadn’t looked that way, as I saw Miss Mitford sashaying out of the room on the arm of Mr McLeod giggling and laughing heartily at a comment he had passed. 

The room was filled with candelabras casting soft warm light, it give a homily and almost cosy feel though did nothing to stem the tension and anxiety coursing through my body as I was escorted and fawned over by a too intense Mr Forbes. Moving myself as far from him on the settee I kept my back ram rod straight as I willed my body to make itself as small as possible.  
To my relief Mrs Campbell seated herself in a chair placed to my left side allowing me to turn slightly towards her therefore gaining some space from Mr Forbes and most wonderfully and thankfully, avoid any further questions or conversation from him.  
Mrs Campbell and her son Alex were residents of Cross Creek, her husband was a wine merchant and they owned 20 thousand acres of land though it was largely leased to tenants and had a overseer appointed for the day to day running’s or so I was informed my the lady herself. Alex was a pleasant fellow though, very enthusiastic about life. Mrs Campbell, Alex and I engaged in conversation as we awaited the eagerly anticipated entertainment. 

“Oh Miss Iona Mitford is a most accomplished young woman, you will enjoy her playing fine but to hear her sing oh you’ll think yourself in the heavens!”

“I am sure I will , I have heard many pleasant comments on her qualities.”

“Do you play yourself?”

“No no, I am afraid I am not talented in that area.”

“Oh well too bad my dear, am sure a braw lassie such as yourself has talents elsewhere.” 

Her eyebrow raised ever so slightly as she said this. I took a long, slow sip from my glass. I wasn’t sure I liked the implication of that comment. Though was unsure how to proceed, they after all, were guests of my Aunt, I must not be rude. Shame they didn’t have the same considerations. 

“Well yes I enjoy painting and drawing as well as reading and design. My Mother ensured I was well educated.”

“Most singular indeed and modern of mind. Design and education? Why ever would a woman require that?

She laughed out loud at that, as though it was the single most ridiculous thing she had even heard. Taking yet another long, slow sip from my glass, I breathed deep to calm my inner rage before replying. 

“I enjoy understanding how things work and looking to see how I can improve it. My Mother wished me to be well educated, to understand better the world we lived in, to have a purpose in life.”

“Educated? A woman? For what purpose? A woman has a purpose already, marry and bear children my dear. You really do not require an education or trade for that.”

She laughed haughtily, while shaking her head. Then leaned in closer to me as though divulging a secret, a knowing smile across her face. 

“Gentle bred ladies do not require anything over and above the skills of running a home and rising children. That my dear girl, is our duty.” 

“Mother! Really? I think it’s rather marvellous that Miss Fraser has such interests, a fine educated mind and skilled in painting and drawing, my, it is truly a delight to watch a blank canvas come to life under the hand of an accomplished young lady.” 

Alex Campbell with his positive air, enthusiastic manner and megawatt smile had on my first meeting him, reminded me of the character Mr Bingley in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice but after that comment I was positive he was Mr Bingley. Somehow with out snorting or laughing out loud, as that too, no doubt would have added further fuel to her displeasure at my wanton ways, thank the Lord she didn’t know I was with child. I managed to response. 

“Why thank you Mr Campbell.”

The tinkling of the piano keys however, removed any need to continue the conversation, the narrow mindedness of this time boggled my mind. Mama and Da needed to return and soon, with Roger. I let my breath out. 

A stilled silence had fallen across the room, all eyes focused on Miss Mitford. I could tell she enjoyed the attentions, as she closed her eyes, hands poised gently on the keys and breathed in and out, dramatically casting her head back then forward to begin a rising rendition of Bach. Her delicate long fingers expertly raced and moved along the ivory keys while oohs and aahs rose in crescendo, ending in riotous applause as the last key was gently struck by her little finger.  
Ever the entertainer, modest smiles and curtsies accompanied until with exaggerated flare she swept her skirt to one side, gestured grandly to the vacated piano seat and then to Miss Maria Simpson who eagerly took the cue. Maria began playing a soft and gentle melody while Iona stood poised like the figurehead of a galleon and began singing. 

Yes this was going to be a long evening, a very long evening.


	6. The lions den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner party continues....

With the skill set of a Second World War spy, I managed to extract myself from the formidable Mr Forbes and avoid him for the rest of the evening. I mingled and spoke to all in attendance including Miss Clara Robinson and the Mitfords. Miss Robinson was a plain talker, hitting straight to the point.

“Your not married? I haven’t seen nor heard mention of a husband? I suppose that is why your Aunt has arranged this delightful evening?” 

One eyebrow raised in a knowing manner.

“No you are correct, I am not married” 

It weighed heavy on my heart to say it but my Aunt’s previous comments were true, though handfasted, I had no witnesses and no Roger either. 

“Really that is most unnerving my dear your mother has been truly lacking in her duties to ensure a fair match. Though it’s grand to see one of your female relatives stepping in to do something to assist. You are past the age.”

Past the age! I was only just in my twenties . Smiling with gritted teeth I merely nodded and excused myself to continue my promenade around the room. Turning to move onto the next group I saw Mr Forbes moving stealthily towards me, keen to continue my avoidance of him I walked in the opposite direction, cut into the dining room, into the hall and back into the drawing room. Chancing a glance behind me I bowled into something solid. 

“Oh I am sorry!” 

Grabbing onto solid arms to steady myself, very solid arms.

“Yer verra welcome Miss Fraser, I feel ye owe me a bump” he winked

“Mr McLeod! I am so sorry I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going” 

I realised I was still holding onto his arms, feeling the strong bicep muscles straining under his jacket. I was also close enough to him to really smell him, a pleasing mix of earthy musk, horses, sweat and spiced herbs. I could imagine it imbedded on my skin and bedsheets. Bree! what is wrong with you!! I shook my head, trying and failing to remove the thought.

“Oh-am-yeah I-er hope you have enjoyed the evening?” 

I pulled myself back from him, allowing propriety to be regained and breathed in deeply to calm myself. Why was I such a spluttering mess in his presence? I hoped he couldn’t hear my heart beating as I felt it thumping against my chest and heat rising up my neck and face. 

“It has been a most wonderful evening, I have thoroughly enjoyed. Mistress Cameron hosts a most enticing dinner party. I hope you have enjoyed making the acquaintance of yer Aunt’s friends and neighbours?” 

There was a slight hitch to his voice at the last question.

“ I have indeed, though some more than others” 

Casting a sly glance across the room to locate Mr Forbes before turning back wide open expectant eyes at Mr McLeod. 

“Ah well yes indeed, mmm yes” 

Correcting himself and pulling himself to his full height.

“I must beg your leave Miss Fraser, it has been a pleasure making your acquaintance but I must be returning home.” 

With a small bow, he spun about and once again this evening, I found myself watching him stride away from me, kilt swinging. 

Engaging in polite ladylike small talk is most exhausting. Answering the same questions time and again, being forced to converse with dull eligible bachelors who are gaining bravo with each glass of wine was torture.  
But other than Mr Forbes I seemed to have avoid any uncomfortable attachments. Taking a few minutes in the study I took advantage of the coolness and solidarity, bracing myself to return to the lions den. It was the high pitched giggle that drew my attention, moving quietly towards the door I pressed against it to hear. 

“Well Aunt you are too funny! A braw lass indeed!” 

A giggle emphasised the clear humour Iona Mitford found in the unheard full remark from the formidable Miss Clara Robinson. 

“So tall and broad, why she’s a full foot taller than anyone here! Most unladylike. I can’t imagine an easy match, I mean what husband would want a giant for a wife!”

“But she is kind and caring? I’ve seen how the servants be around her they care for her and she is very polite and beautiful” 

“Servants options are not regarded Jane what nonsense! She does have beauty I suppose if you like that sort of wild untamed charm.” 

It was spoken with haughty derision and accompanied with high pitched giggles from the group.

“She is an heiress though”

“What do you mean Aunt”

“Correct me if am wrong and I’m rarely wrong my dears, but she is an only child of the Fraser’s, her Father has ten thousand acres”

“In the back country hardly exceptional Auntie and no one knows what dowry she has, that surly will be the main interest of any man that would dare pursue.”

“You also forget Mistress Cameron has no male relatives save Mr Fraser”

Gasps of shock echoed within the group, as understanding of the situation rained down upon them. 

“Well then she most definitely does have some value to a husband!” 

The laughter struck heavy in my chest and part of me wanted to rip the door open and yell at these women that I had more worth and value than merely my family’s lands and that I had no interest in marriage to any of their short arsed male suitors! But another part wanted to steal away quickly and quietly, retiring to my bedchamber and crying myself to sleep. I gently stepped across the study, eased the door open onto the veranda and crept out following the it round to the parlour room which thankfully stood empty.  
As I prepared to enter the hall I breathed in deeply and pulled myself to my full height, smoothing my skirt down, steeling myself to enter that hallway. I opened the door and stepped into the hall. I had hoped the gathering of clucking gossiping hens would have moved on but alas they had only moved on in topic

“Did you see what he was wearing!? Full kilt! I understand many of us are Scots but really haven’t we moved away to the Colonies to forget the barbarian ways!” 

Maria Simpson was flushed with the telltale signs of one too many glasses of Aunt Jocasta’s finest wine. Most of the group too young to remember the glory days of Scottish pride, of gatherings and Gaelic and Lairds. They had for many been born here in the Colonies, told only of the hurt and heartache of what became Scotland after the ‘45. It was only because of Mama and Da that I did have some understanding and knew the pride that a proud Scot took from his kilt. 

“Indeed for some it seems removing themselves to better society is simply not enough to elevate them from old ways” 

“Best be careful of what you say about kilt wearing menfolk my dear girls, Mistress Cameron’s nephew does often partake in the wearing of one. Though he does cut a fine figure if I say so” 

“Auntie! You are naughty!” 

Yet another high pitched giggle and flutter of her fan accompanied the clearly mocking comment, my blood slowly boiling, how dare they comment on anyone in such a manner! Especially my family! 

“Perhaps Grandmama did not present the correct kilt wearing barbarian to you? Then you would not be so defiantly a spinster!” 

Raucous laughter erupted within the gaggle as I continued to approach, thankful for the semi darkness of the hall way. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pass them without some comment being cast my way but the alternative of staying in the shadows and listening to their conversation was far worse. I steeled my resolve, painting on a smile, ever grateful for inheriting my Father’s ability to mask emotions and not my Mother’s glass face. Waiting a few moments more I then strode with confidence along the hallway to pass them. 

“Oh Miss Fraser! My dear friend you will join us? We are having a most enlightening discussion” 

Iona Mitford smiled slyly while slipping her arm into mine and pulling me closer to the group. 

“And what pray tell is your thoughts on the kilt dear sister?” 

Expectant eyes turned to glare from all gathered within the circle, anticipation building awaiting my remarks. After the comments overheard my composer and tolerance was waning. 

“Well I find a handsome man in a kilt most alluring, especially if a true Scot. One would find the kilt a most helpful garment.” 

“Whatever do you mean?” 

The confused, quirked brow of the very undelightful Miss Simpson caused me to need to stifle a giggle. Mothers of this time really did keep the virtue of their daughters under close guard. I was eternally grateful that Mama had ensured I fully understood what it was between a man and a woman. Though, as I glanced my hand across my stomach it hadn’t prevents this, but at least I wasn’t clueless as to what lay beneath the kilt, or what did take place between a man and woman. Turning further towards the gathered group, with wide, innocent eyes I replied. 

“Well one can quite simply push him against the wall, fling the kilt up out of the way to allow you to have your way. Don’t you agree Miss Robinson?”

Gasps of astonishment and flushes of red surrounded me.

“Now if you will excuse me, I really must check on my Aunt.”

I smiled politely and demurely, bobbing an acknowledgement to them all as I turned and walked away. Stunned silence roared behind me.


	7. Time to face the music

The consequences of ones actions must always be faced and the morning after the party I was faced with just that. A stony faced Aunt Jocasta sat at the breakfast table, an uneasy silence filling the room. 

“Mr Forbes paid you quite the attentions last night, engaging in conversation and seemed quite enamoured with you, despite your best efforts to the contrary.” 

“I er Aunt he well I” 

“Oh I won’t hear excuses Brianna, he is a perfectly acceptable suiter and when he proposes you will except”

“Proposes! What!? I don’t want to marry Mr Forbes!”

“This is not a matter open to debate we have already discussed this, with your delicate condition we cannot tarry and I am fully aware of your avoidance of him throughout the evening as well as your discussion with a certain group of ladies.” 

I saw a small smirk on her lips at the last comment, though it was gone as soon as it appeared. 

“I must apologise most humbly Aunt for my comment, I have my reasonings but I understand excuses will not change the manner in which it was received or indeed the embarrassment brought to your home by my actions. I will make my apologises direct to them all.” 

“Very well my dear niece, but do tell me what was the look on Miss Robinson’s face?” 

A broad smile spread across her face as her eyebrows raised in wonderment. 

“I would have loved to have seen it! Now about Mr Forbes” 

“I will not marry him Aunt! I cannot and will not” 

“Well he has already made his request to me and will be this very morning seeking an audience with you. I pray dear child that you consider your position.” 

She grasped my hand with hers turning towards me, concern etched across her brow. 

“Brianna think of your child, you need to be protected, provided for, marriage allows for that. I know you want to wait for this Roger fellow but you have to face the reality that he may not return, what then! Each day and week your situation becomes more precarious, you simply don’t have time my dear.” 

Tears welled in my eyes as I fought them back. 

“I thank you Aunt for your support and encouragement but I will not be forced into a marriage to someone I do not know nor love” 

“You think marriage is about love!? Dear me that can yes become part of it but many a strong partnership has been forged in marriage were love has not been present. Mr Forbes would ensure you are well cared for and your child. But enough of this let’s eat.”

As the morning continued Mr Forbes duly arrived and I was ushered out into the gardens to walk with him. It was a bright day with a clear blue sky, flocks of birds the only thing discolouring it. The air was warm and hung heavy much like my heart. 

I felt cornered and trapped, the reality of my situation in this time striking me square in the face. How ever had my mother with no friends or family to assist her survived and navigated it? My Father, that was how, he had been her friend and had loved her, cared for her, seen her safe and protected, she had grown to love him. I could compare my current situation to what I would be facing in the 1960s, marriage was still a prized possession sought out by eager young ladies, career be dammed.   
I wanted more, while my mother had grown to love my Father, he had not sought to extinguish her light or desires, encouraging her in them.   
Daddy had supported Mama through her studies but I knew he had not believed in her and having seen her two marriages I could see how Mama had been in the shadows for twenty years only stepping into the light on being reunited with Da. I could not settle for any less.   
Mr Forbes was sweating, beads gathered on his forehead which he mopped clear using his handkerchief with frequency. 

“Miss Fraser I thank you for taking a turn in the gardens with me, I did enjoy making my acquaintance with you yesterday evening. I would ardently wish to continue getting to know you.” 

He stepped closer to me stopping our walk along the garden path. A hand reaching towards mine, though I froze not moving or reciprocating, it fell away midair. 

“You are of excellent breeding and beauty and it will be a most suitable match.”

Knowing full well what he meant though struggling to tramp down the rage that was coursing through my body at his focus on my family connections and looks, I couldn’t help innocently asking. 

“whatever do you mean by suitable match?” 

“Well am we er am” he stammered “Marriage! I mean of course!” 

“Marriage? Mr Forbes but we hardly know each other!”

“Yes I believe you would make a most suitable wife, for me” 

The last words spoken slowly and as an after thought, an air of unease in his voice no doubt due to my question and tone. 

“Are you making an offer of marriage?” 

“Yes, yes I am. I feel it is time for me to settle and secure my place with a wife. With the close connections I have with your family I believe it is prudent to chose a bride from within to further enhance my station and standing.” 

Words didn’t often fail me but the declaration before me left me flabbergasted. My family connections being the main reason or to be precise my chances of inheriting River Run and Fraser’s Ridge. The man was more vile than I could imagine. 

“Why Mr Forbes you do flatter me with your generous offer however I must decline. My Father is not present to oversee or approve of any marriage offer and.”

“I can’t think of any reason for your Father to disapprove? I’m of good standing within society and can provide a most suitable life for you. Besides daughters are of little consequence to fathers.” 

He interrupted, a look of abject astonishment on his face that I had dared to refuse his proposal. He also clearly did not know Jamie Fraser. 

“I yes, I do see what you are saying and again I thank you for the flattery of an offer of marriage but my position is not changed, I cannot except your offer. I do not believe I would make you happy in marriage and you would most certainly not make me happy.” 

“Happiness?! Happiness in marriage?! I don’t understand? Marriages are arranged all the time and happiness never considered!” 

The sweat was now running down his face and a red flush evident over his cheeks as he gesticulated widely. 

“My Mother and Father have happiness and love within their marriage and I will not settle for less. I believe Mr Forbes that you have a lady out there who will bring great joy and love to you, but I assure you, I am not she.”

“And this is your final answer?”

“Yes”

“Well then I bid you good day Miss Fraser.” 

This was said with a tone harsher than I felt due. A curt bow was given and then he strode away with purpose, head held high. 

I breathed a sigh of relief, though I knew I would have the displeasure of my Aunt to contend with. Best get that over and done with! 

The morning has flown in due to an awkward breakfast, a proposal and a heated discussion about my refusal. I had had little time to think to myself and reflect on the dinner party but taking the afternoon to sit near the river and draw, I allowed my mind to wonder.   
No surprise it wondered straight to a Mr McLeod. What was going on in my head? Why? I had only spoken to him for a few minutes but yet I had memorised every detail of his face and manner. He had shown me no further politeness nor attentions than the other ladies present at the dinner party but yet I could not remove him from my thoughts.   
Infatuated lust that’s all! I just need to put him to the back of my mind and focus on waiting for Roger, it’s not likely I’ll see Mr McLeod again anyway. I could tell myself all of this, but I knew deep within me that that was going to be easier said than done.


	8. Tally Ho

Three weeks trickled by and still no word from Mama and Da. My pregnancy was continuing and Aunt Jocasta had secured a doctor to ensure my health throughout. My baby bump was still easy to hide with clothing but soon it would not and my Aunt continued to remind me I was running out of time for Roger to return. I had put Mr McLeod to the back of my head though, I’d be honest he had crept in on many an occasion but it was easy to play it of to simple attraction, I was human after all it made sense that I would find other men attractive it didn’t mean anything was to be acted on. 

I joined Aunt Jocasta for breakfast enjoying the cool morning breeze blowing through the double doors which had been left open to combat the stifling heat. 

“And what are your plans for today dear?”

“I have none at present Aunt, do you have need for me?”

“Awh no need for yourself, but I did plan on taking a horseback ride of the estate, Ulysses will be accompanying myself and McLeod with a new horse he is training for me. Would you care to join us? It would be good for you to get out of the house and it would be my pleasure to show you the estate.”

“McLeod? Mr McLeod?” 

My voice shaking slightly betraying me. With Aunt Jocasta’s eye sight diminished her hearing had become acutely tuned and I saw a small smile alight her face before the mask slipped back into place. 

“Yes Mr McLeod indeed, he has the training of a new riding horse and will be bringing her across this afternoon. I thought why not use this opportunity to check my lands. I would be most pleased for you to join us?” 

Her voice had a light air to it, one I hadn’t heard before and couldn’t quite place. 

“I do I, would it be wise for me to horseback ride in my condition?” I nervously spluttered.

“Oh dear child! I rode horses until two weeks before every one of my births! You will be fine and the air and company will do a world of good.”

Dressed in my riding habit I stood stone faced in front of the mirror. Come on Bree you got through the dinner party and a awful proposal from Mr Forbes. My body shivered at the memory. You can get through this afternoon plus you will be on horseback and Mr McLeod will be training a young mare so will not be in any position to converse. This will be good, I nodded to my reflection, this will help to confirm it was simply infatuation and attraction and that he is not someone I’m in love with, I mean I could love, shaking my head, I repeated, I love Roger, I love Roger, he came back for me and Mama and Da are going to find him, I told my reflection with a resounding nod.  
With one last look at myself I turned and stalked out of the room, confident of my resolve. 

Aunt Jocasta was atop Fionn and had selected Bran for me. He was a gentle mannered gelding with deep brown almost black eyes shielded by the longest lashes I had ever seen on a horse. His bay coat shone from brushing and as I moved beside him he nuzzled into my side as if to reassure me that he would look after me. Once mounted my Aunt accompanied by Ulysses moved off.

“Isn’t Mr McLeod riding with us?” 

I was almost hopeful the plans had changed.

“Yes of course we are just going to meet with him at the stables, he wished to check on the new carriage horses.”

I followed behind still battling with my thoughts. Then we turned the corner to the stables and I saw him, my heart skipped and breath clogged my throat. Stripped to his shirt and waist coat with breeches on highlighting his strong muscled legs. He was moving to assist the stable hand with a chestnut mare, the stable hand was fighting a losing battle being pulled to and fro while the horse whinnied and reared. Mr McLeod grabbed the reins from the stable hand, immediately moving to the horse and placing a hand on her neck, instant calm. 

“How did he do that?” 

“Oh Mr McLeod has been round horses his whole life my dear, his father and him ran the horse breeding farm since they arrived. That young man has a way with him, I haven’t seen before when it comes to taming wild horses.”

I stared in wonderment as this now subdued horse calmly hung her head allowing him to scratch between her ears. With ease he then swung into the saddle, looked around to see my Aunt and clicked the horse into action. 

“Good day to ye Mistress Cameron and ye Ulysses, good tae see you.” 

Giving a gentle bow of his head towards her and Ulysses. 

“And to you. You will remember my niece, Brianna Fraser, from my dinner party, she will be accompanying us on the ride.”

“Well of course I do, good day to ye Miss Fraser.”

Another small bow towards me and he fell into place beside me as we moved off to continue the journey around my Aunt’s lands. 

Her lands were vast and she was pointing out different areas of commerce as we passed. The millhouse, the trees for logging, cattle pastures and so on. She knew all that was happening within her household and her grounds.  
Mr McLeod had continued riding beside me and I stole glances at him every so often when I knew he wasn’t looking. Taking in his ease of being on horseback, the gentle way he held the reins how he used his body to slow or turn the mare without even touching the reins. I tried to use this time to adjust my brain away from this infatuation trying to see how my memory of him from dinner did not reflect what was beside me now.  
It was impossible, I had remembered his physical lines correctly, the strong jawline, deep eyes, the square shoulders and now could see the muscled legs and the way they... oh stop it Bree! Alright you are attracted to him, clearly!!! Now get over it!  
But there is more to relationships than physical looks. You have only spoken very briefly, perhaps he has no mind of his own, he was raised as an only child, no doubt with little education and you could never love a stupid man. Plus he was from this time, a time that I was still trying to understand fully, get my head around the strange to me cultures of this period. He surely would have the typical expectations if this time, an obedient, silent wife, I most definitely could not be that. 

We rode in comfortable silence, the rhythmic thunk of the horses hooves on the grass the accompanying beat to my breaths.  
It felt odd that the silence between us was not uncomfortable for surely it should have been. 

“My Aunt tells me that you own a horse farm near to here?”

“Aye ma lands boarder River Run on the NorthWestern side. No as near the size as Mistress Cameron’s lands but it does”

“How long have you lived in the colonies? You still have a strong enough Scots accent?!” 

“Well I was raised in the company of mainly Scots, so I suppose thats were I get it from” he smiled towards me “We headed here just after the ‘45 I was just five years old . Me, my Mam and Da, Mam never seen dry land, she died a week out from port.”

“Am so sorry, that must have been awful for your Father and you.” 

“Aye it was tough enough, Mam and Da were a love match, they wanted a better life for us all than what they saw coming in Scotland. We were crofters nay much of anything but Da had a way with animals and the land, could plant seeds on a rock and produce a crop he could. They sold everything they had bar Mam’s dowry and set sail. When we landed Da sought work at a warehouse and I helped clear plates and ale pots in the tavern we stayed at. Da gathered as much coin as he could but working a dock warehouse wasna were his talents lay, he was a man of the land, horses, animals and crops now that was his passion and skill.  
He heard about land grants being given out, now we’d a bit of coin saved but nay near enough to impress nor a name or title to intrigue but Da could hold court with the king o France and charm the birds from the trees! He sold Mam’s Dowry, all but one ring and from I don’t know where, borrowed some poppin jays jacket and waistcoat. Dressed to the nines he went on the charm offensive wooing the governor of all people! Secured us five thousand acres of virgin land and that’s were it started.” 

“I’m impressed, he sounds a most interesting man I look forward to meeting him.” 

As I spoke it I remembered suddenly what Phaedra had said that his father was passed too and cringed at my careless comment.

“Da unfortunately joined Mam three winters ago, but yes he would have enjoyed getting to meet you Miss Fraser too.”

“Oh am sorry that must be tough being on your own”

“Awh well am no alone”

I froze at that comment, he has someone and here was me making fools eyes at him allowing him to be in my thoughts when I hadn’t even considered he might be married or promised to someone! Steeling my resolve I swallowed down the lump formed in my throat. 

“Your married then?” 

Praying my words did not stumble or stutter.

“Nah no married or engaged to any lass, no many would be impressed with what I have to offer, most young lassies want a bit more society that I can bring. But I have the care of twa and twenty tenants and ten stable and farm hands, house staff plus my overseer, Hamish McDougall. He was with me and Da from the start, worked the warehouse with Da then when Da secured the land he followed with us, just the three of us and a wagon pulled by a most ill humoured mule and three horses twa mares and a stallion.” 

“I’m impressed you all must of worked hard to build up what you have now, am sure your tenants and slaves are very glad to have you.”

“No slaves all free men on my lands.” 

“You don’t agree with slavery?” 

“Nah my Da and Hamish were appalled at its use within these parts, I was reared to respect all men no matter their colour or homeland.” 

“Really that is refreshing to hear. My Mother and Father would hold the same view.”

“Aye I heard what they did for that slave boy, terrible business. Never will any man nor woman step foot on my lands and be owned by me, people arenna property.” 

“Except maybe your wife? surely women are deemed property of their husbands in law now.” 

What had I just said?! Oh my word!! Why Bree? why!!!

“Aye” it was half laughed out “mabbe so in law but it dinna have to be that way in the marriage. My Da ever forced my Mam’s thoughts or views nor dismissed them as only a woman’s. He taught me to respect women the same as I did a man.”

Mmm interesting indeed I thought. 

“So have you travelled much within the colonies?”

“Aye been into Wilmington and Cross Creek a fair bit.” 

A board grin appeared on his face.

“Your teasing me! That’s not what I meant” 

“Aye I am, am sorry Miss Fraser in truth I have travelled a fair bit New York, Philadelphia, France, Spain, Italy, England and Ireland.” 

“All those places? To do with horses?”

“Indeed, Da and I breed the best lineages. We have sold to a great many houses across the world and Da felt it prudent for me to see some of it.” 

“But surely working on the horse farm and travelling so much disrupted your education” “

“Well ye could be right but I’ve nay formal education ye ken, I learnt my numbers and letters as a wee nipper and my Da ensured I knew Latin and Greek and I learned French and Italian when I worked the stables in those countries.” 

“You lived in France and Italy?” 

“Aye, was sent when I turned 15 to learn more about breeding certain horses and managing stables, stayed till I was 18 then returned home.”

“You really have travelled and seen the world”

“What about ye? Where were ye raised? Ye dinna have a Scots accent despite yer Da”

“No my upbringing was slightly different I was raised in Boston.” 

Please don’t ask where, I silently prayed fearing he would know the neighbourhood. Or ask further questions.

“My Mother had been sent away by my Father before Culloden to save her and me. Da didn’t expect to survive and so I was raised by another man until he passed away a few years ago and Mama discovered my Da lived.” 

I was unnerved at how easily I had told him this truth, it had spilled from me like a well worn tale despite the difficulties I had had in getting my own head around the revelation, that Daddy was not my real father and the truth of my parentage. But the fact was I felt at ease in the company of Mr McLeod. 

The ride around the estate lands ended on our return to the stables. Mr McLeod offered his hand to assist me down from Bran and the tingling feeling as his hand touched mine returned, his eyes lingered on me for one second too long and my heart welled within me. 

“I bid you good day Miss Fraser, I enjoyed the afternoon conversation with ye and hope to continue my acquaintance.” 

With a gentle brush of his lips on my hand he turned and yet again, I watched him walk away, though this time I lamented the lack of his kilt. 

Well Bree, on reflection that did nothing, absolutely, nothing to stem your affections. What now? I scolded myself. I needed to some how rectify my feelings towards Mr McLeod against those for Roger. I had known Roger longer, had been handfasted, intimate with him but yet I could not escape the desire and longing that I felt for Mr McLeod. No matter how hard I tried I could never remove him from my thoughts. 

Over the next few weeks I saw and spoke with Mr McLeod many times. He giving me leave to call him Alistair and I for him to call me Brianna. Each time he left, I again felt an emptiness which became harder and harder to hide. 

“Miss Brianna you seem out of sorts, is something troubling your mind?” 

“No no of course not Phaedra am just missing Mama and Da that’s all.” 

I smiled weakly, trying to avoid her gaze and stem my emotions.

“Of course, it must be hard not having your mother around at such a time as this, but you know am here for you too, you can speak to me in confidence.” 

Her brow pulled together in concentration and sympathy as she gently took my hand.

“you are no alone Miss.”

I wished I could tell her, pour my heart out at the challenges my heart was facing have someone else carry the burden but it was not possible. This must be mine to keep, mine until Mama and Da return with Roger, then I will return home and be perfectly content with Roger, happy even. If I kept telling myself that surely it will be true? Plus in my advancing condition I could not possibly make any interest known to Alistair. Roger was my best choice, my only hope. 

I had been invited to Alistair’s farm as he wished to give me the grand tour. He had plans for expanding the barns and I was keen to both spend time with him and also see his estate. The house was beautiful, white lap boarded, with large windows and a wrap around veranda. Small cottages had been dotted around the land were no doubt his tenants lived and a row of houses butted to the main barn which must belong to the stable and farm hands. 

The estate was tidy and well looked after.  
I was greeted at the door by a small rotund black woman. She was well dressed and wore a beaming smile.

“Good day, you must be Miss Fraser. Himself is expecting you I’ll bring you to him directly. Let me take your cloak.”

“Thank you, I take it you are the housekeeper?”

“Yes Miss, my name is Martha I’ve been working here in the house since I was 16 years old. Helped raise Alistair who was only a bairn still. Well here we are, Alistair, Miss Fraser for you, I’ll bring the tea through now.”

“Thank ye Martha, that would be lovely. Brianna so glad ye could make it.” 

We enjoyed tea and fresh baked cake and biscuits, his cook was an excellent baker. The conversation was easy, with Alistair telling me of the plans he had for the estate. He showed me the drawings and I could see immediately where improvements could be made to save money and time, as well as create better use of space. Using modern engineering methods I, with a few quick calculations had redesigned the barn and impressed Alistair. 

“Ye did this? In no time at all? What else have ye kept hidden in that pretty heed of yers?! I’ll get these new sketches to my builder straight away.” 

His smile was warm and genuine, like he was proud of what I had just created. Lifting the drawings and staring at them in wonderment.  
He took me out to show off his stables and barns, introducing me to his stable hands and his over seer Hamish McDougall. Hamish was a slightly built man who resembled a race jockey, he looked to be in his early forties, skin redden and worn from years in the elements. His mousy brown hair was pulled back into a tight plait and a large well worn leather hat pulled atop.  
Alistair couldn’t help but regale him with my designs for the new barn. Once we had talked through them fully and I had been introduced all the horses, Alistair announced that the mid day meal was to be served and offered his arm to walk me to the covered terraced area off the drawing room.  
The meal was delicious showcasing the foods supplied by the farm and the cook’s skill. Alistair and I continued in easy conversation, talking of the latest books we had read. The conversation continued late into the afternoon and the shadows were getting longer and longer in the gardens. 

“My look how late it is getting, Alistair I have had a most wonderful day. You must let me know how you get on with the barns.”

“Of course, I’ll need ye to come and check on progress, answer any questions my builder may have. I’ll ring for yer carriage can’t have ye heading back in the dark, Mistress Cameron would never forgive me!” 

Over the next few weeks I regularly attend the McLeod estate to oversee the barn building, it was thrilling seeing my design come to life, seeing these men acknowledge the skilled mind I had and respect my opinion filled me with hope for my future here. I knew that Alistair had no doubt spoken to them before I had arrived, using his presence as estate owner to ensure compliance and respect but a week into the build project and the main builder approached me asking for me to go over plans for another project he was moving onto. After detailing the various changes and improvements, I went over the sketches with him and was shocked when he handed me a small leather pouch in payment. I ran squealing with delight into Alistair’s study 

“look look!” 

Waving the pouch in front of him 

“I’ve been paid, paid Alistair! for my design help! Oh I can’t believe it, he asked me if I would assist on other projects he has, thank you, thank you Alistair” 

“I dinna have anything to do with this, it was all on ye Brianna. No need to thank me.” 

“But you did, you let me redesign your barns.” 

My joy at this remarkable step for woman kind in the 18th century was uncontainable and I grabbed onto Alistair hugging him to me in thanks. Electricity coursed through my body once again at the closeness of the contact and the smell of him made my heart beat faster. I pulled away in shock and realisation that it was most inappropriate.  
Smoothing my skirts and stepping back a respectable distance, I could see the flush of red colouring Alistair’s face.

“Well I do apologise, my excitement appears to have reduced my inhabitations.” 

“No need to apologise Brianna.” 

He was reaching out as if to grab my hand but allowed his arm to fall mid way as through regaining his own composure. His face still flushed red and he as staring now at the door behind me. 

“We must get you returned to River Run and your Aunt, before she worries.” 

And with that he turned to call out for the carriage disappearing through the study door with haste.


	9. A question posed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW- discussion of sexual assault

“Alistair! How lovely to see you this morning. I trust you are well? It has been a few weeks since I last saw you.”

“Indeed Brianna.” 

He rolled the R in my name giving it emphasis. I was beaming with delight at seeing him and couldn’t hide my glee. It had been a long few weeks, a very long few weeks without seeing or speaking with him. 

“I am most well I thank ye, would ye care to take a turn in the gardens?” 

“Yes, yes I would” 

We walked into the garden and along the pathway at the riverside. I couldn’t help the smile on my face at walking beside him, I could feel the heat from his body radiating out and smell that now familiar scent that was just him. I hadn’t seen him since the hugging incident in his study and had worried myself he was avoiding me or that he disliked me for my forwardness. I didn’t think my heart could cope if he disliked me, but he was here, now, walking with me and so I focused on that. 

The breeze rustled through leaves, plucking some of them from the trees and floating them in gentle cadence towards the water, were they settled with reverence to be pulled by the ripples and eddies of the current, till sight was lost upon them. It was peaceful and calm, I was enjoying the company of Alistair, relishing each moment.  
We stopped at a small riverside pier which had once been used for logging but had been long forgotten. Taking a seat on the wooden bench I breathed in the calmness and coolness that washed up from the river. A nervous energy was pulsing from Alistair as he sat beside me, unsure what was wrong I continued staring out to the river. 

“Brianna we are friends? Yes? We have shared stories of our lives and who we are, our families and such.” 

“Yes of course I enjoy your company immensely and count you as one of my only friends here.” 

“Then why have you concealed your pregnancy from me?”

“What! How, how.” 

I couldn’t even finish the question, the words sticking in my throat feeling as though I had been slapped in the face.

“Ye ken I was raised on a farm Brianna, I can tell the look of a woman carrying a bairn the same as a mare.”

“Yes, I am pregnant.” 

Tears welled to my eyes, as I glanced down shame burning in my cheeks. 

“What happened?” 

As he moved closer to me wiping gently those tears that had betrayed their hold. I told him everything that happened, again with ease despite the pain it brought me. I had never spoken of Roger in his presence before, but I knew he deserved the truth, all off it. So I had sucked in a deep breath and began telling the messy tale. 

“I knew Roger from home, he followed me here when I came to find Mama and Da. I hadn’t met Da at that point. When Roger found me I was annoyed at first that he followed me, put himself at risk, but then he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me. We handfasted and then we, well you know, we consummated that handfasting” 

The last was hard to verbalise to Alistair and I felt blood flush to my cheeks, forcing me to keep my head down slightly. 

“We got in a huge fight after, over information he had withheld about my parents and I told him to leave. I never wanted to see him again, I was so angry! He did leave and I went back to the inn.”  
I drew in a strangled breath  
“I still hadn’t found my parents at this point but Lizzie was with me. When I went into the inn a group of sailors were there. One of them had a ring he was about to gamble. I recognised the ring, it was Mama’s, I didn’t know who he was or how he had gotten it but I offered to buy it back. He agreed to meet me.” 

Tears were falling silently now and I was struggling to continue. 

“He met me in a back room of the inn, were,were he, he, I was raped.” 

I half whispered the truth out on the last of my breath. Sobs racking my body. 

“I tried fighting, shouting out, everything I could but I wasn’t strong enough. When he finished he got up from me and threw the ring down before walking away, back into the main room, no one so much as batted an eye or raised a query. I was left laying there bleeding and crying, to walk in pain and shame passed them all to my room. I scrubbed and scrubbed myself clean but I can never get the feel of him off me.” 

There, that was the truth of it all, out in the open now, no longer hidden.  
Alistair jumped to his feet, I watched expecting him to turn and walk away and prepared my soul to see him leave. He walked with strong strides back and forth hands running through his hair, pulling small strands from his leather thong holding his ponytail at his nape. 

“He left ye?! Left ye?! To fend alone in a strange town! A port town full of sailors and unsavoury characters! I ken full well ye dinna need to be watched over every minute but for all that’s good and gracious nay man worth his weight leaves the woman he professes to love in a place like that! And you sit here now swollen with child, you dinna know the father?” 

It was asked not as a question but posed as a statement of conclusion to his natural thought process. 

“And for some devil of a man, unable to control himself in the presence of a lady to then impose his wills. Leaving ye to have to deal with consequences?!”

“Roger came back for me weeks later, he came to the ridge but there was a misunderstanding, Da beat him thinking he raped me not realising who he was and then Ian give him to the Indians, that’s were Mana and Da are now with Ian trying to find him, bring him back.”

“And do ye want him back?” 

The simplicity of the question startled me, did I want him back, I’d thought I did but that was before Alistair but now after knowing the truth he would hardly reciprocate my feelings. Roger was still my only hope.

“Brianna, ye dinna need to answer, beastly men who dinna hold a light to ye that’s all they are. Ye have held your head high Brianna, all while dealing with this!” 

He stopped now in front of me, kneeling down placing my hands in his on my knees. 

“It was my fault I shouldn’t have went with him, I shouldn’t have shouted at Roger none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t be sitting here not knowing who the father of my baby was and Mama and Da wouldn’t be god knows were! And I wouldn’t have brought shame to all my family.” 

“Ye dinna need to evera feel shamed Brianna, ye have done nay wrong, why should ye carry the guilt of other men’s actions? It is their responsibility to bear. Roger for walking away! Ye dinna run away from an argument no after what ye had just done.”  
He flushed pink in his cheeks and ears “and that excuse of a man who imposed his will where he had nay right. Ye canna carry the guilt and responsibility of others.” 

His face showed with emotion, understanding, sympathy but no pity thankfully. I could not have dealt with his pity. 

“I am headed away on business for three weeks, Brianna.”  
He cleared his throat nervously. 

“I want ye to know this changes nothing of how I regard ye, the high esteem I have come to see ye in.” 

He was back pacing nervously, looking all around him as though searching to find the right words to say floating in the air beside him.

“On my return I intend to propose marriage to ye, for I am in love with ye.” 

“What?! You would marry me despite what you now know? A pregnant woman with no idea who of two men fathered her child?”

“In short yes, Brianna ye are a remarkable woman I have the highest opinion of ye. The child is yers that is what counts and I will love it as I love ye. I have been enamoured with ye from the moment I bowled into ye.” 

He laughed, a smile lighting his face as he turned to me, dropping to his knees in front of where I sat, taking my hands once again in his, nerves now vanished.

“I have loved ye from the moment I heard the comment ye made to that terrible woman Mitford and her aunt.” 

He full laughed now, grinning mischievously, while I flushed full red and buried my head in my shoulder and half groaning exclaimed.

“You heard about that?!” 

“Aye I did and thought to myself now that’s a woman, that’s who ye should be with! I jest Brianna, I loved ye from the first moment ye looked at me and I never want to part from ye but I have heard from yer own mouth the position ye are in regards this Roger and so I will no push ye for an answer now, but I ask that ye consider an answer in the weeks apart. I will except what decision ye make.” 

With that bold statement he rose, kissed my hand and walked away, leaving me lost for words and mind spinning.


	10. The trouble with choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who continue to read, like and comment. Hope you enjoy Brianna’s deliberations.

He loves me, wants to marry me. I couldn’t believe it. I’d thought my feelings would have to be kept hidden, my only hope being Roger. As each day had passed his image and memory was fading. My instant reaction to Alistair’s words had been to want to stand and shout loudly YES, YES I would marry him. But he was giving me time and space to consider and make my choice, and the more I thought on it, the harder it was to choose.

Now I was sitting in my room looking out the window marvelling at the simplicity of the world, how no matter what happened, the world would continue on, oblivious to the turmoil within my heart. My decision impaired by my regard for both men, wishing Mama was here to speak with. Both were good men in their own ways. Roger didn’t belong here, a man of his own time, a professor, alive in front of his students. He would want to return to his own time, did I? His time was technically my time but yet I felt I belonged here. All my living family was here, back in 1960’s I would be alone. All but for Roger, but what if he didn’t want me anymore? What if not knowing who fathered the child was too much for him to bear?  
Alistair was an established man, could provide a good living for me and my child. He had already told me he loved me and would love my child despite what he knew, told me that it didn’t matter to him. I had clear attraction to him, with him I could stay and be part of my family in this time. I had shown him my designs for improving the barns and he had already implemented them. Pleased for my keen design eye and had passed details to several others in the farming community resulting in commissions for my skills, none put off by me being a woman.  
Roger wanted a professors wife, we had had arguments before about my studies and how he wanted to marry me before having sexual relations. Showing clear double standards of what he thought right yet Alistair had not made mention of any such issue. Had I felt connected to Roger solely because of my Mother’s research and him knowing the truth? He had appeared and pursued me, it had been flattering of course but if I hadn’t come here, if he hadn’t followed would I have married him? The dawning of the conclusion startled me. I didn’t want a marriage of convenience I wanted a marriage of love and I did love both but in vastly different ways and I thought only Mama could fully understand. 

Sleep was a welcome rest an easy process to forget the burdens of the day, the troubles of the heart and perhaps my mind would resolve the issue for me, I thought as I slipped beneath the blankets. How wrong I could be! For two weeks my sleep was muddled and severely lacking, during the day my mind continually picked and swayed between my two choices and I moved no closer to a decision, envisioning myself as a disgraced woman with child banished to Fraser’s Ridge with neither suiter desiring me. I made lists for each of them good and bad points but yet still struggled, fighting I knew against the truth of my heart. 

Roger, it has to be Roger, there is a chance that he is the father after all, I couldn’t place that burden on Alistair he didn’t deserve that. I had to put my own thoughts and wants to the side, my child is what counts. If Roger returns with Mama and Da then I’ll go with him wherever that is, here or 1960’s. I’ll live my life happily, I knew I could be happy with him and I’d love my child. But why did tears run down my face? This wasn’t the happy response I thought I’d have to this difficult decision? It was the logical choice that was what was important. I tramped down all other thoughts, distracting myself with designing and drawing not allowing any further thought or debate in waking hours. However sleep can betray the closed mind. 

I stood wrapping my cloak tighter around me, an icy breeze wiping across the Highlands, my hair blowing behind, Craig na Dun to my front, the large central rock an imposing monolith rising before me. 

“Ye can leave if you wish Brianna, I’ll no make ye stay.” 

Alistair? I turned to see him six feet behind me in full highland regalia, face with no emotion, arms held at his side. I could hear through the stones Roger calling me, the pull of the stones on my body. One step closer. 

“Don’t you want me here?! Want me to stay?!” 

“It’s no ma choice to make Brianna.” 

“But I can’t leave you Alistair I can’t.” 

The sound of Roger calling me through the stones stilled along with the biting wind and Alistair reached his hand to me.

“Then don’t.” 

I reached but couldn’t touch him, panic coursed through me and my hands frantically grabbed at bed clothes as I gasped air greedily into my lungs. Bolting upright in bed what was that? Aahhh! I screamed into my pillow, I’ve made my decision!! Roger! I’ve decided Roger.  
But the heart wants what the heart wants and things are never as simple as they seem. Mama had been faced with the same choice and had stayed, she had returned but not by her choice, her soulmate was Jamie not Frank. My soulmate was Alistair not Roger. I could be content to stay with Roger but my realisation was that it would be for my child alone not for myself. A choice my Mother would understand.  
As I continued my internal debate, I realised that I had one truth still not disclosed to Alistair. I had to tell him I was from the future. He deserved to know the whole truth, the full truth.


	11. Deliver me

The house came into view as we turned one more corner. 

“Nearly there my love, I didn’t think we would see it again at times” 

A Scottish Hmph was all I got in response. 

“Jamie you can’t allow yourself to take the blame for Roger not returning with us, it was a lot of information to take in.” 

“Sassenach ye dinna understand he should be doing the right thing by my daughter, she is deserving of that, he was willing to handfast, to bed her, then runs away at the first sign of trouble! Then faced with some responsibility he canna be man enough to stand up and take it on. The bairn could be his! And what of Ian? How am I to tell Jenny?” The words were choked out, Ian was still a very painful topic for both of us. I couldn’t even think of it. 

“Well it is between Brianna and Roger. Brianna wanted us to be truthful, for Roger to know what happened to her after, well after they were together. She wanted him to return because he wanted too. We have a duty to our daughter to help her through the last of her pregnancy and the birth. We are soon to be grandparents, Jamie, we get to see and hold babies together, blood of our blood, no matter the father. This is something we were robbed of.” 

He grabbed my hand in his bringing it to his lips 

“Yer right Sassenach, we have much to be glad of.” 

Approaching the last of the track that led to the house, I could see Mary the cook standing on the entrance porch barking orders, stood like a sergeant major in command of the parade square as servants scurried passed her, running in the directions she pointed. 

“Mary what is happening?”

“Awh Mistress Fraser I am glad to see you returned! Miss Bree is in labour!”

“Labour?! But it’s much to early! Where is she?” 

Both Jamie and I diving off our horses and closing the distance to Mary on the porch.

“At the McLeod estate, went there this morning just got word from the stable lad that went with her that her pains had started. Mistress Cameron headed for Cross Creek on business two nights ago, Ulysses is with her. I’ve sent a stable lad to fetch her and another for the midwife Mistress.”

“Who are the McLeod’s and why is she there? Alone?” 

“Nay alone Mistress Fraser, Phaedra is with her, the McLeod’s are horse farmers, neighbours of Mistress Cameron to the Northwest about an hours ride away.”

“We must get to her, Jamie we must make sure she is safe.”  
Panic rose in my voice and I saw the same reflected in his.

“Tomas! Get two fresh horses saddled at once for Mr and Mrs Fraser.” 

He shot off with purpose towards the stables while I covered the distance to the stairs in three strides 

“I’ll get my full medical kit!” 

I bounded up the stairs two at a time and did not pause in my room as I grabbed the leather strap of my kit, grateful I had arranged and sorted it prior to leaving on our journey. Returning to the front porch I saw Jamie unpacking items he knew I’d need from the saddlebags and readying the two fresh horses Tomas had somehow brought in the time it had taken to get my medical kit.  
Jamie ran forward taking the strap to secure it to one of the horses. In a fluid movement he had helped me onto the horse and swung up onto his own. 

“Right Sassenach let’s go Mary told me how to get to the McLeod’s” 

And with a kick to the sides the horses shot off, Mary shouting behind us as we galloped towards our daughter. 

“Jamie there are so many things.”

“Dinna think of it Sassenach, dinna go there, she’s a braw lass, she will be well”

“I know Jamie I do but it’s so early she is barely eight months!” 

My mind spun in constant thought of the various things that could have caused early labour, the challenges that brought, the dangers and risks to both mother and baby, infection, that was the biggest risk and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her or the baby in my absence, why hadn’t I started some penicillin! 

We saw the sign board for the McLeod’s estate and kicked the horses on again. The house was not as large as Aunt Jocasta’s but still of good size and handsomely built. Wooden lap board painted white, with large front windows and a green painted front door with sidelights and fanlight. Pulling the horses to a stop, we both hit the ground at the same time, me running to the door while Jamie grabbed my medical kit. Forgetting all pleasantries I burst through the door startling a rotund black woman bringing a jug of hot water through the hall. Her eyes widen and she stopped stepping back, clearly unnerved at my sudden appearance, fear flashed in her face as Jamie appeared behind, some how words could not be formed in my mouth,Jamie instead stepping in to fulfil that duty.

“Brianna Fraser where is she?!” 

“Upstairs in the guest chambers sir I’m headed that why now.”

We followed behind as she quickly bounded up the stairs hot jug of water and size beguiling her speed.  
The doors of the bed chamber swung open with a bang and Brianna’s grunts of effort rang out. Scanning the room I saw Brianna on the bed, sweat making her hair stick to her face, her cheeks flushed red as Phaedra mopped her forehead with a rag. Her shift was rucked up to the tops of her thighs the swollen stomach of pregnancy notable where sweat clung it to her body.  
Jamie had stopped beside me, also surveying the room, a grunt of aggression and the tweak of tension in his muscles focused my mind to the scene. A man bent at the edge of the bed, head and arms hidden by Brianna’s legs as he worked in close proximity to our daughter’s intimate parts. Due to my time in hospital I was well aware and used to males assisting within maternity wards however in this time it was unusual for male doctors to be involved plus we knew the midwife had only been sent for on our arrival at River Run. I instinctively placed my arm out to stop him, finally having caught up to what was happening on the bed.

“Come on Bree one more push for me.”

Brianna was baring down hard, effort etched across her face. I pulled Jamie towards the bed pushing him towards her head. He grabbed her shoulders.

“Bree darling yer mam and I are here your doing grand lass.” 

“Oh Da! Mama! am glad your here.” 

Her voice trembled and she breathed in deep grunting as she bore down again. Jamie now speaking soothing Gaelic words to comfort her. My mind was focused on the medical, scanning the bed and the mystery male. Waxed sheeting on the bed, a bowl of hot water mixed with alcohol, a bottle of whiskey and clean cloths stacked to one side of the bed but within easy reach of the male. 

“One more push” 

The male shouted he seemed to be unaware of our presence focused fully in his task. A rush of fluid appeared between Brianna’s legs and then the slimy pink body of a tiny baby appeared. With an impressive ease the male grabbed the cloths wrapping the baby, cut the chord wrapping it off and wiped the site with the alcohol concoction.  
Bringing the babe up in both hands to Brianna 

“Ye have a son” 

A smile spread across his face that matched Brianna’s and Jamie’s who was crouched beside her still.  
Moving the baby to her breast area the male assisted in pulling her shift down and settled Brianna’s son to her breast. A look passed between them, Brianna’s eyes intense on his. He then began massaging her stomach to assist in stopping bleeding and assist the afterbirth.  
Jamie at this point was now blood red and shaking and the young man was on close territory to be pummelled, new grandson or not!  
I moved quickly to his side taking over the task and hoping on hope that everything had been clean. The young man now stepped slightly back, awkwardly standing looking upon the scene before moving to wash his hands and arms, as I continued checking Bree, cleaning her legs, gathering the bloodied cloths and awaiting the afterbirth to be delivered. There was minimal bleeding and thankfully no deep tears that needed stitching. I must have said this out loud without realising as the mystery male answered 

“Aye, I used some lavender oil to assist in that ye ken.” 

Jamie still at Bree’s head, hands braced on her shoulders while she stared at her infant son taking his fill at her breast, thankfully did not hear that comment. Brianna then looked up taking in the room, 

“Da, Mama let me introduce you to Mr Alistair McLeod.” 

She pointed towards the young man standing at the foot of the bed 

“slightly unusual circumstances to be meeting for sure Mr and Mrs Fraser but I’ve heard a lot about ye both from yer daughter. It’s a pleasure to finally met.” 

He give a small bow towards us.

“Unusual indeed but we are forever indebted to ye Mr McLeod for yer assistance to our daughter.”

“Yes you have done a fine job of delivering our grandson.” 

And he had, now that I had taken in fully what and how he had done it, I was impressed. The window was open allowing fresh air, the waxed sheet was clean and had been wiped down with alcohol prior to use, as it could still be smelled on it, hot boiling water was on the fire, clean cloths and alcohol sat to one side and there was a basin for hand washing which Phaedra was in the process of changing. 

“Well I’ve assisted at hundreds of births ye ken.” 

My eyes widen at this comment was he a doctor perhaps or the closest thing to a midwife in these parts? Seeing my look he continued 

“horses mainly of course ye ken but the process is much the same.” 

His cheeks pinked slightly and he turned towards Brianna 

“Aye he is a braw laddie Brianna” 

a throaty grunt from Jamie and scowl caused him to stumble over her name 

“I er I Miss Fraser, I’ll see to some willow bark tea and broth for ye.” 

Gathering the bloody cloths and basin with the now delivered afterbirth he nodded to me and walked out of the room without another word. Phaedra moved to help Bree clean and dress her son now he was full bellied and asleep. I busied myself with selecting items from the medical box and tidying around Bree. Jamie now at my side 

“Is our daughter to be violated by every man in the colonies?!” 

Though whispered the force of the words could not be missed. 

“Jamie we should be grateful that Mr McLeod was here, our daughter has been safely delivered and our grandson is alive. He did a fine job.” 

“Did ye no see what he did, pulling her shift, down, touching her.” 

The words trailed off and his hands ran through his hair as it does when stressed. Taking both his hands in mine I looked at him 

“our daughter’s safety is more important than any sense of propriety and I for one am grateful he was here, now be nice.” 

I raised an eyebrow and quirked my head to one side. He relaxed into my hands and smiled.

“Aye yer right.” 

“Da do you want to hold your grandson?” 

A lightness filled his face the like of I hadn’t seen since my own pregnancies had been announced. He took the tiny bundle with gentleness, our grandson barely filled his giant hand. I couldn’t help the beaming smile crossing my face, Jamie had missed out on holding Brianna as a new born for the first but she had ensured he held his own grandson. My heart swelled with pride as Jamie cradle the baby and whispered sweet Gaelic words just as I saw him do so many years before with Maggie. The hurt of those twenty lost years weigh heavy on my heart so very often but moments like this, they help to heal.


	12. Oh Mama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who has been following along with the story.

I checked my grandson over carefully, checking his reactions, colourings and so on. He was perfect in every way, ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers, with the smallest fingernails I had ever seen. His eyes had the Fraser slant and I had no doubt they would be blue, wisps of coppery auburn hair covered his tiny head. He clearly favoured his mother and grandfather. 

A small part of me scanned his features to see anything of Roger in him and shame flushed my face, that was not the important thing at this time, besides Brianna had not mentioned Roger, yet.   
The door gently knocked and swung open revealing Mr McLeod, tray in hand ladled with food and steaming teapot. 

“I brought ye something to eat Bri-Miss Fraser and tea and biscuits for yer selves Mr and Mrs Fraser. Am sure ye dinna have much time to get anything to eat, ye are most welcome to join me for dinner this evening and I’ve sent to River Run for yer things, it’ll be a few days afore Miss Fraser is well to travel. I’ll have the guest chamber made up beside.” 

He set the tray down on the table, nodded his head and left the room without a backward glance.   
A small crib was positioned on one side of the bed and Phaedra lifted the baby from Brianna and placed his content sleeping form within it. 

“I’ll leave you in peace to rest and eat, ring if you need anything else. Mrs Fraser, I’ll prepare your things when they arrive from River Run.” 

“Thank you Phaedra” 

“Where’d the crib appear from Bree?” 

“Oh it was Alistair’s, his Father brought it with them when they left Scotland after the ‘45.” 

“Well it’s a good thing he had this lying around then.” 

My eyebrow rose as I looked to Jamie 

“Aye tis” 

“Oh I’m so glad you are back and here! That you made it in time, Mama I was so scared but Alistair he was so good, so calm.” 

“Yes how did you end up in labour? And what where you doing here?”

She was tucking into her plate as though she had never before nor ever again would see food. Finishing a bite of cooked meat and popping a piece of cheese in her mouth before answering. 

“I had felt strange for a few days, pains in my back and such, but then after we had finished mid morning tea I felt a sharp pain in my side and then a rush of fluid between my legs. I think I ruined the rug! It all happened so quickly after.” 

Both Jamie and I noted the lack of explanation of why she was here at the McLeod’s but perhaps tonight at dinner we would hear more. She seemed reserved, held back in some way. I knew my daughter well, too well to miss that there was something she was keeping to herself and she still had not asked for or mentioned Roger. 

As we finished the tea and biscuits another gentle knock at the door came. Mr McLeod entered again this time carrying a metal bath, followed by Phaedra and the rotund woman we had met on first arrival carrying large jugs of water. The bath was placed at the fireside and linen towels set on the small table to one side, along with a jar of what looked like witch hazel and a small bar of sweet smelling soap. 

“I thought ye might like to freshen up.” 

A white bundle of fabric was held between his hands, he nervously grabbed and pulled at it before stepping to the foot of the bed and laying it down with gentle reverence one hand lingering on it a moment. 

“A clean shift for ye, it was my Mam’s. thought it might be of use to ye til yer things are fetched across.” 

There was a slight hitch to his voice and his eyes never lifted from the floor as he spoke.

“Thank you Alistair, for everything you are too kind.” 

He nodded silently and walked over to the door. I looked to Brianna unsure of what had happened and hoping my glass face would ask the obvious question. Thankfully it didn’t fail me. 

“His mother died on route to the colonies. He has little left of her.” 

It was said on a low whisper. Ah so that was it. As he reached the door he stalled, turning and bringing himself to his full height.

“Mr Fraser would ye care to take a tour of the stables? I have twa new horses for training, Miss Fraser speaks highly of your eye for a horse it would be my great pleasure to seek yer opinion on them.” 

“It would be a pleasure for sure Mr McLeod. It’ll allow Brianna’s mother time to help her wash.” 

With a gentle kiss to Brianna’s forehead, one to my cheek and a pause at the crib he followed Mr McLeod out of the room.

“Miss Bree the bath is ready for you” 

“Thank you, I am looking forward to a soak, Mama can you help me?” 

Both Phaedra and Mr McLeod’s servant left the room leaving me and Bree to her ablutions. Helping her gently into the steaming bath the soothing aroma of witch hazel stirring as she entered the water.   
Soaping a rag for her and then pouring water over her hair I began washing it as I often had when she had been but a little girl. The colours of red, cinnamon, auburn and browns reflecting the fading afternoon light and the fire. 

“Mr McLeod seems a very pleasant man”

“He is.” 

She paused, the rag held mid motion on her leg.

“I take it you coming with only Da means Roger wasn’t found.” 

An unexpected blandness in the tone very evident.

“Am sorry love, we did find him but he just, he needs more time, it was a lot to take in.” 

I expected tears, perhaps more questions, even anger but I did not expect what was uttered.

“Mama you loved two men how did you do it?”

“Is this about Mr McLeod?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Well I saw the look between you both and he has been most attentive”   
motioning to the bath, crib, food and so on within the room. 

Giggling she remarked 

“Yes he has”

“Do you love him Bree?” 

“Yes” 

“And what about Roger?”

“I think I love him too but in a different way”

“I can understand that I suppose, its how I was with your Father and Daddy. Being sent back, back to Frank to your Daddy, was the worse thing I have suffered I would have died with your Father. I did love Frank but not in the way I love your Father I, we, tried to make it work but time did nothing to change me and we drifted further apart never being able to recapture what we once had. We were happy raising you and he was an excellent Daddy to you, loved you rotten!” 

I brushed her cheek with my thumb and smiled.

“But?”

“But, oh I don’t know Bree, my circumstances were different, your Father sent me away for safety, for you, there wasn’t much choice.”

“You weren’t happy Mama not really, remember I’ve seen both your marriages.”

“You are right love, I wish I could make the choice for you. Tell you something that makes it all easy but life isn’t like that and neither is love.”

“But you did choose Da, at the stones?” 

“Yes I did, I suppose the only thing I can say to you, is follow your heart. It’s a little generic to be sure but it’s all I have.” 

I breathed out a laugh and sighed dramatically. I really wasn’t great at these types of things, perhaps the repressed emotions I had had to hide for twenty years effected my ability to speak openly on these topics of love? But repressed emotions or not I could see the weight this had on my daughter. I rubbed her arm soothingly. 

“Roger hasn’t returned which should make my choice easier to deal with”

“You have already made your decision haven’t you? You didn’t choose Roger”

“No” 

Tears now welled in her eyes and the hormones of pregnancy and the emotions of love and joy at her new child clashed against the emotions of complicated love. I hugged her close, rubbing small circles on her back. 

“You have been dealing with all of this on your own! You poor thing! I should have been here with you, for you”

“You couldn’t have, you had to help Da find Roger. Oh Da is going to be so disappointed in me, creating such a mess, having a child out of proper wedlock, withholding the rape, making you go on a fool’s errand to find Roger then not wanting him anymore. Though he hasn’t returned so maybe he feels the same.” 

“Your Father could never be disappointed in you! And despite what feelings or not you have regarding Roger it was the right thing to do to find him, we couldn’t just leave him.” 

I half laughed, I was incredibly fond of Roger and was disappointed that he didn’t come back with us. I always held out hope he would catch us up before getting to River Run, realising the error he had made but alas it was not to be and Jamie and I had no clue where or what had become of him. 

“How long have you been in love with Mr McLeod and does he feel the same.”

“From the minute I met him, I couldn’t get him out of my head Mama. As I spent more time in his company I came to regard him highly as a person and the feelings only grew until I got to the point were I couldn’t imagine not being with him, seeing him each day. And yes, he loves me. Three weeks ago he called for me at River Run and told me he wanted to marry me, that he would ask me on his return from business. That he knew I had much to consider because of Roger. It was the weeks thinking about that question that made me realise, I can’t let him go. That’s why I was here, I came to tell him yes and.” 

She looked down into the water, pink colouring her cheeks.

“I told him I was from the future” 

“You what!? Brianna why did you do that you know the dangers?”

“I know the risks but I had to be truthful to him, you told Da eventually and he understood, he believed you! I couldn’t have that truth hidden from Alistair.”

“Well what did he say.”

“He was shocked to be sure but he did believe me, he said it made sense as I was so different from any women he knew in this time.” 

She was beaming, the smile wide and full across her face. 

“Well then, my love I am happy for you.”

I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her forehead gently. 

“Let’s get you out of the bath and dried, your little man will no doubt be hungry again soon. Have you thought of a name?”


	13. A conversation of sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit NSFW

I followed Alistair McLeod down the stairs, eyes glaring into his back, I’d seen the look upon his face in the room with Bree and dinna forget his hands. A growl erupted in my throat and I tramped it down, nay Claire and Bree would kill me if I were rude to the man. He had single handedly delivered my grandson after all, I owed him courtesy for that at least.

“I wanna thank ye Mr McLeod for yer kindness to my daughter. Aye, I dinna think I can evera repay ye.”

“It was my pleasure I assure ye. I am verra fond of yer daughter, she is a fine young woman.” 

He smiled, slightly pausing as though lost in a moment before clearly his throat and turning tae me 

“Shall I show ye the stables then?”  
Gesturing toward the door. 

The stables and barns were verra fine indeed and the horses well, I dinna think I’d seen finer since Versailles. Mr McLeod was brimming with energy and excitement as he walked around the barns and stables, enthusiastically pointing out the changes and expansions.

“She designed this new barn, wait til ye see the space. See here?” 

Pointing to the beams holding the roof, a grin beaming across his face.

“Aye, what about them?”

“Look how they fit, look how they dinna need the same support and the extra room I gained! I never sae the likes, she worked that out in nay time, at the dinner table! Like it wasna a thing tae her at all and ye wanna to have seen her with the builders!” 

The pride in his voice was clearly evident, I knew he was speaking of Bree but I felt the need to ask anyway.

“Who is it that ye talk off? This designer?” 

“Brianna! Er I mean Miss Fraser.” 

It was said with near incredulous disbelief that I had doubted her skill and I couldna stifle a laugh. 

“Ye like her?”

“Aye, as I said before I am verra fond of Miss Fraser.” 

“That’s no what I mean, do ye love her?”

I had my suspicions that her saw her as more than an acquaintance, I’d saw the looks and care bestowed upon her. But with the bairn, surly he wouldn’t wish to tie himself to another’s child? Especially when there was doubt as to who Fathered him? I was protecting my daughter as I should have done, to see her heartbroken by this man, especially with Roger not returning. I could feel anger rising thinking of it all, my daughter deserved a man who respected and loved her, of that I’d make sure. Did Mr McLeod know the whole truth? Or was he without knowledge of the bairn til she went into labour? Christ the mess that this was!  
Yet he surprised me by turning full to face me drawing a deep breath in and replying with calmness.

“Yes.” 

“Despite what has happened at yer home today? With the bairn?”

“Yes”

“It must have been quite the shock for ye, when she went into labour.” 

I looked down a little abashed at what society would see as my daughter’s shame.

“Nah I wasna shocked at all, I knew she was with child.”

“Ye knew?!”

“Aye from no long after I first set eyes on her ye ken.”

“Ye know the truth of the matter then?  
Have ye spoke of it together?”

“Aye we did, Brianna told me the truth of what happened betwix her and Roger and the man that attacked her.” 

There was a certain emphasis on Roger’s name and about the man who had raped Bree. I could see his fist clench in frustration and anger and I wasna quite sure of how to continue the conversation.

“I have asked for her hand in marriage. I no it’s no the right thing, the right way of it but.” 

He bristled as though gathering himself up before proceeding.

“She isna a usual woman sir, she has the right to have her say before any agreement is met.”

“Has Brianna given ye an answer?”

“Aye, she said yes.”

Now I’ve seen happy men afore, witnessed the joy on a persons face, Christ I’ve even felt that unbridled, uninhabited joy myself with Claire but what I saw on Mr McLeod’s face went beyond mere joy and I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, 

“Ye must call me Jamie then.”

Seemed my concerns, fears were all for nothing, now I just hoped Brianna felt the same. Sassenach where are ye for I think I need yer ear, I silently prayed. Taking a breath in and smiling to Alistair with a slight nod we continued our tour of the stables. 

“Well she loves him, here help me with my laces love?” 

As I moved towards the chair by the fire Jamie was lounging on. Stock and waistcoat removed, shirt unbuttoned and stocking clad feet resting on the small footstool enjoying the warm glow from the fire. He sat up straighter as I approached, turning to give him access to the laces. 

“Aye and he loves her tae to be sure, looks at her though she hung the moon and stars.” 

I laughed at his comment turning to plant a kiss of gratitude on his mouth for the laces, his body and face on the fireside unusually extra warm 

“Like someone else I know.” 

Pinching at his sides. 

“Argh! Stop stop!” 

Jamie squirmed in the chair grabbing both my hands into his before pulling me onto his lap, kissing up my neck.

“Aye I’ve seen that look on ye a time or too!” 

Giggling I relaxed into his embrace, enjoying the heat radiating from the fire, warming my toes. 

“Oh to be in a house again, in front of a hearth!” 

Jamie was staring at the flames, his hand with absent mindedness rubbing slow circles on my back. 

“You are thinking of Roger again, aren’t you?” 

Aye, I canna quite get ma mind around it all Sassenach.” 

“I know, but maybe it has worked out for the best, Alistair does love her and she him.” 

“But what of Roger? Dinna she love him? Isnna he a likely father to the bairn? I shouldna trussed him up like a hog and dragged him back to face his responsibilities!” 

“But we don’t know for sure if he is the Father and Bree wanted the truth to be told, she didn’t want him returning in falsehoods.” 

“Aye but they were handfast, bound tae each other and he was more than happy to have his way with her, tae then just run out!” 

“Yes but” 

“Nay but about it, Sassenach he’s no a man of worth, nor honour but, ack aye don’t know” 

“You are worried he might turn up again? That he won’t return through the stones?” 

“Aye, what then becomes of Alistair? Will Bree get up and leave, take the bairn?” 

The last words were broken as he sobbed a cry out.

“I’ve only had ye both restored tae me, I canna, no I canna.” 

“You won’t lose us! Especially not me I vowed to you on my return that I would never leave you again no matter what! I won’t do it, I didn’t want to go in the first place, you are my heart and soul, you! You bloody Scot!” 

“I lose everyone close tae me Sassenach! Everyone! I’ve failed ye all.”

I knew he meant more than just Bree and I, he was thinking of Ian. Bree had been heartbroken when I told her, that Ian hadn’t returned but managed a small smile when she remembered his desire for adventure and seeing the world. Tears were now flowing down both our faces and I grabbed him, hugging him closer as though he would disappear if not for my hold. 

“Sassenach it’s been nothing but a struggle since ye returned, I know yer time its easier for ye, I canna expect.” 

“James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser do not finish that sentence! I and I repeat, I will not ever be returning to my own time, this right here is my time. Yes our lives may not be easy or straightforward but we are together and that is all that matters, there’s two of us now. Besides I don’t think your daughter has any intention of leaving ever, she is after all wishing to marry Alistair. I don’t think we need to fear Roger returning and taking her away.” 

I had moved from his lap now stooped before him hands on his face staring into his eyes, willing him to see the truth of my words. Climbing into his lap to straddle him, I held him as we both wept, each for different reasons. 

I had been fond of Roger, was eternally grateful for the assistance and belief he had held in my tale but I knew it had to be Brianna’s choice and her heart had chosen Alistair. I had had the same with Frank and Jamie, I would still chose Jamie every time. I did love and was grateful for Frank but I could never be with him as I was with Jamie, and I believed as I had stood watching my daughter feed her infant son, watched by Alistair, that this was the same.  
We sat clinging to each other in front of the fire as the flame died, no words being spoken, the soft cadence of our breathing and our touch being the only communication we needed.

“Come let’s go to bed.”

“Tae bed or tae sleep?” 

“You impossible man! To sleep I haven’t seen a proper bed in months”

“Aye and I havena had ye in a proper bed in months.” 

He practically growled this as he kissed into my neck and breasts, lifting me with ease from the chair and carrying me over towards the large and very inviting bed. 

“Now ye have far tae many clothes on Sassenach to be getting into this bed.” 

Placing me into the floor at the side of the bed, his hands untied my ribbon at the top of my shift, gently pushing it from my shoulders, it fell from my body pooling at my feet. 

“The same could be said of you, my darling husband.” 

My hands untucking his shirt from his breeks, then pulling the laces free. His hands grabbed round my waist lifting me bodily onto the bed, slipping his breeks down and pulling his stockings off in a swift motion before he climbed onto the bed, moving towards me with animalistic desire his eyes near black focused on my naked body. As he drew near he pulled his shirt over his head casting it to the floor with the rest of our garments. Kissing slowly up my legs and across my pubic bone, as his hands found purchase on my breasts.  
His arousal pressing firming into my thigh as his lips reached his hands. Seizing one nipple in his teeth he pressed home, my legs spreading to accommodate him as my hips rose to met him, time and time again I thought, I will do this time and time again, this is home, he is home and as long as we are together all will be well even for Bree.


	14. Breakfast conversations

I felt like I was floating, lying in the softest of clouds, warm and cocooned. Awaking with a strange feeling and pains, I looked around the room with sleep filled eyes, seeing the early morning glow creeping under the curtains, yawning and stretching, I, still half asleep, went to turn over pulling the blanket up over my shoulder when my other hand fell to my now slightly reduced in size and firmness belly and THIS wasn’t River Run? This wasn’t my room then realisation hit Alistair! Along with I’ve had my baby, were is my son?! How could I have forgotten him!  
The cradle sat at my bedside, empty. Panic coursed through my body and I bolted upright in the bed gasping air into my lungs and scanning the still dim room. 

There in a chair by the smouldering fire Alistair sat sleeping, legs stretched out and my son sleeping soundly against his shirt clad chest.  
My heart swelled with love for this man, this man, who from the first moment my eyes laid on him captured my heart, this man who with a simple touch of my hand sent waves coursing through my body, this man who I had tried to tramp down my feelings towards, with no success made my heart sing.  
I moved gingerly off the bed, still very tender from yesterday and calming my breathing, moved towards Alistair and my son, with his auburn tuffs tightly curled at his nape and the soft snores as he slept melting my heart even more.  
Mama had told me the love you feel for your child outweighs everything and now I understood it. That was how Mama had been able to raise me with Daddy and that I realised, was how I would have returned to Roger too. “Am so glad I don’t have to though” it was whispered on a breath as I reached out to gently stroke the hair back from Alistair’s face, he stirred, eyes popping open and without disturbing the sleeping baby he stretched, then pulled me down onto his knee, wrapping his free arm around my still swollen stomach. 

“Mmm how’s my girl feeling this morning?” 

It was said low with a sleepy voice and half closed eyes. He was warm from the fire and sleep and I cuddled into him further as though we had done this a thousand times. 

“I’m good, tired and sore but happy very very happy.” 

My voice cracked from sleepy disuse and as I brought my forehead to his I yawned. 

“Tired for sure, come ye back into bed I’ll fetch ye some tea and food, the cook left bits for ye encase ye got hungry during the night.” 

He helped me over to the bed somehow tucking me in while holding my son without waking him. Kissing him on his head he cast one last look upon his slumbering form before placing him gently in my arms then give me a tender kiss on the forehead 

“Thank you Alistair, for everything I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

“Anything for ye, I would do anything and it’ll be my pleasure to continue it til my last breath.” 

Without thinking I reached out my hand bringing his face down to mine again and kissed him gently on the lips, they were warm and soft and tasted of him, tasted of home. He kissed me back bringing his hands up to cup the back of my head pulling me closer as he claimed my mouth. He pushed back from me standing up, his hand travelling from the back of my head down my arm to my hand which he raised and tenderly kissed. 

“I’ll get ye something tae eat, then ye can tell me when ye plan on making me officially yers.” 

“Is it not you good sir who makes me officially yours in this time?” 

I smiled up at him 

“Aye to be sure, if anyone asks I’m the boss!” 

“Why you!”

“Adorable, wonderful, kind, caring, can’t live with out?”

“Idiot Scot!”

“Aye but I’m yer idiot Scot.” 

He said with a wink before leaving the room in search of my food. 

I suppose I need to name you little man? I can’t keep referring to you as simply my son or little man, you need a name, a good strong bonny Scots name! I laughed. Now what sort of name would suit you? David, Daniel, Simon, Timothy, Hamish, Stuart, Thomas, Ian? I looked intently at my son’s tiny face and curled up hands, hoping beyond hope that he would somehow indicate what name he wanted. 

Sighing out loudly, this is harder than I thought, too many names and you, you cute, cuddly little squish are no help at all! My still unnamed child opened his eyes and wailed. Am sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you, Mama was only joking. Removing my breast from my shift I brought him to it were he latched on and greedily consumed. Mama had warned me that due to the early birth my milk might not be strong enough to support him but so far, one day in, I reminded myself, we were doing fine.  
Horus might suit, hungry Horus. I joked then winched as my already tender nipple was chomped down on. Ok ok you don’t like that name, what about? I looked down at his auburn tuffs of hair, the familiar slant of his eyes and face shape and knew there was only one name that would do “Alexander” defender and protector of man, a strong, solid name and one of Da’s. Now I have settled on that Alexander, we need to think of a few more can’t have a bonny Scot with only one name!  
I knew the second name I wanted for him almost the second I’d decided on the first but I needed to speak to Mama. 

“Here we go some bacon, sausage, eggs and toast as well as, at the Doctor’s order, willow bark tea.” 

Alistair entered the room carrying the tray of food, the delicious smells wafting my way making my stomach rumble. 

“I thought you said the cook had left some food for me, I wasn’t expecting all this?” 

“Well ye need yer strength and the cooking fire was smoored so it dinna take much.” 

He said this with a slight shrug before setting the tray down on the table beside the bed. 

“Has the laddie taken his fill?” 

“This little laddie is called Alexander and yes I think he has had his fill.” 

Lifting him gently from my breast and placing him between my legs. Wiping the slight dribble of milk from his chin and my breast, I then went to pull my shift back up. Looking to Alistair as I did this, I saw him standing staring, a look of desire on his face and a slight swell in his breeks, it’s funny that I hadn’t felt odd or uneasy breast feeding in front of Alistair, it had just felt natural and the earlier kiss had felt the same and while now looking at him staring hungrily at my breasts with his arousal clear I still didn’t feel awkward. I had to resist the temptation to reach out and touch him, he was understanding of my modern ways but he was still a traditional man in many ways, kisses and sitting on his knee were one thing but that would be a step too far.  
His eyes darted to where mine had fallen and he immediately flushed red. 

“Sae sorry Brianna that I er I’m sorry.” 

He was looking at the floor and then bent to pick up Alexander 

“I’ll walk him a-bit about the room while ye eat yer breakfast.” 

He still couldn’t look at me and begin pacing around the room with Alexander held to his shoulder. 

“That’s a bonny wee laddie and Alexander suits ye, fine name my son.” 

He was rocking him gently against his shoulder patting his back in a soothing rhythm.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed you know? I really didn’t mind.” 

I reached for my tray and placing it across my legs began to eat, Alistair continued walking and rocking Alexander. 

“It’s quite flattering really, I’m still all puffy and swollen from carrying him, sore from the birth and no doubt have black rings under my eyes.” 

I spoke with a dismissive almost blasé tone as I salted my eggs and added some to my buttery toast before taking a big bite. 

“Come here Alistair” 

I breathed out exasperated. 

He walked over to my bedside still beetroot red and not speaking, I took his hand in mind.

“Alistair please? Don’t let this upset you.” 

“I shouldna be doing or thinking things like that not when ye have just birthed our child. It’s disrespectful to ye.” 

Our child? I’d heard but not really taken in his earlier comment of my son when he had lifted him to his shoulder but then he had acknowledged him again as ours while also acknowledging what I had done to bring him into the world, could this man get anymore perfect? Tears welled and ran, spilling over and running freely down my face. 

“Ack sae I’ve upset ye with my bullish boorish ways, I’d never take advantage of ye Brianna, ye have to believe it!” 

He looked panic stricken trying to reassure me of I didn’t know what. 

“I’d never force me self upon ye, I know it looks as though a canna control me self.” 

OH! No no he thinks I’ll see him like Bonnet my rapist. More tears what’s with these hormones! 

“No no Alistair please! Listen to me?” 

I grabbed his free arm pulling him towards me causing him to crash down sitting onto the bed, Alexander still grasped in his arms held tight. 

“Alistair you have nothing and I mean nothing in common with that man. He is a vile evil human being. I love you, I know it’s early to say that, but I mean we are engaged, I have loved you from the moment I set eyes of you and I will love you to the last of my days! And if my husband to be finds me desirable in this state he should not be ashamed.” 

I emphasised the last words speaking each one slowly and clearly. Kissing him, as he tried to wipe my tears away, his own now starting to betray him also. 

“I’m thinking we need to agree a wedding date and soon.” 

I purred into his ear and raised my eyebrows suggestively wanting to bring ease to him and lighten the mood

“It’s already quite improper you being in my room unsupervised however you did deliver our son and assist him to feed so you have technically seen most of me and I’ve had barely a peek at you!” 

Clearing his throat nervously, he glanced down to his feet.

“I’ve nevera seen a woman before so I canna comment.” 

“You have never been with anyone before?” 

I was shocked, Alistair was older than me by a few years and had travelled to Europe lived in France and Germany surely?

“You can’t be serious? You have really never seen or been with a woman? You lived in France and Germany surely there were women, I’ve had a child you don’t need to be concerned with insulting me about past conquests.” 

“Well it’s the truth!” 

He looked abashed that I didn’t believe him.

“There’s no much hope for me out here to tempt a young maid to ma bed, and smelling of horse shit and sweat for most of the time in France or Germany again leaves little chance to sway a fair maiden. Leaving only whores and I dinna.” He trailed off 

“Your too much of a gentleman to bed a whore.” 

“Aye and ye were only bedded when handfast sae ye weren’t careless with yer maidenheed sae why do ye think my virginity should be different?” 

He had a point though I realised I would have been careless with mine if Roger hadn’t refused on principle of wanting to wed me before bedding me. 

“No you are right, just, I suppose men tend to be more experienced in those areas and I just assumed you had bedded many women.”

“Well I havena and I intend bedding only once we are lawfully married because I won’t disgrace ye, ye mean that much to me. I dinna have experience in that area and I ken ye only have a bit but I promise I’ll be gentle and loving to ye always.” 

“Unless I ask for it rough.” 

I whispered into his ear and sucked his earlobe into my mouth. He looked at me eyes wide.

“I think I’ll like being married tae ye just fine.”


	15. Wedding bells ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding and a little flash back along with a little NSFW. Thanks to all who have been following along with this story, hope you are enjoying.

Eight weeks after the birth of Alexander Franklin Cameron Fraser McLeod I stood in my wedding dress on the stairs of River Run, my Da standing on my left side preparing to walk me down to begin the wedding ceremony.  
Alexander had been Christened the evening before. I had been anxious about Alexander’s second name but Frank had been my Daddy had had his hand in raising me and I wanted to acknowledge him in some way.  
It had been early in the morning of the day after Alexander’s birth, Alistair had just left the room to ready for the days work when Mama and Da arrived in.  
Da as always was bright eyed and looked ready for the day. Mama was never a morning person and it was barely dawn, her eyes still tired from sleep and her hair not quite tamed but I knew Da loved her hair like that. In Boston it had always been coiffed to perfection, smoothed and sleek as was the style, here though it was wild and unruly curling and twisting in and of itself, I wondered what Daddy would think if he saw her now, so vastly different to what I had grown up seeing and knowing. I had to admit she was a different person here, in this time, with Da. Thinking about Daddy had reminded me I had to speak to Mama and Da about Alexander’s name.  
Da came straight to the bedside hugging me close and planting a kiss on top of my head, 

“Mo chridhe how are ye this morning?” 

“A little tired Da but so happy.” 

“Aye a bairn will do that tae yer heart.” 

I passed the sleeping bundle to Da 

“This is your grandfather, Granda meet Alexander.” 

“Ye called the bairn Alexander? After, after me?” 

The words caught in his throat with emotion and he looked at me then Mama, a look of unbridled, unmeasured love written across his face. 

“Yes of course after you, I think he is going to be tall, broad and handsome like my Da.” I smiled up at him 

“Awh mo leannon, Alexander suits ye.” 

Da began walking Alexander around the room, whispering soft Gaelic words, just staring at him in wonderment. 

“Well if he is a true Scot Bree he can’t possibly have only one name, have you thought of any others? Your Father has several!” 

“Well actually yes I have but.” 

I paused unsure of how to continue, not wanting to disturb the happiness and joy within the room. 

“I had thought but I’m not fully decided on it so it’s fine if you don’t like it or want it.”

“Bree darling he is your son you get to decided on the name!” 

Mama laughed out 

“I had thought of Franklin after Daddy.” 

I spoke so softly I didn’t know if anyone would even hear. Da stopped suddenly and stiffened slightly before turning towards me, Alexander now against his shoulder, little arms hanging to his sides with hands clasped tightly shut. Mama hadn’t moved her eyes from me but hadn’t uttered a word. 

“I er I thought it would be nice to honour him in some way, he did raise me and Da you trusted him enough to send Mama and me back to him.” 

My voice had wavered as I started my impassioned plea and I could feel tears pricking my eyes. I fought to hold them back, I didn’t want to upset Da or bring painful memories back to either of my parents but what I had said was the truth and I loved my Daddy. 

“Yer right Bree and it’s a fine name and a fitting tribute, yer Daddy would be proud of ye, as am I.” 

“Yes that’s a lovely gesture and you are right he was important to us all. Alexander should know the truth.” 

Clearly wanting to change the topic seeing how heavy it lay on me and Da, Mama then chimed in 

“Now we have a name for our grandson are me and your Father ever going to hear the full story of why you were here in the first place and how you ended up in labour? I only know parts of it.”

I laughed and began the whole story of why I had travelled here, telling them about Alistair’s proposal to me at River Run how I had told him the truth of what happened with Roger and the rape, where they both had went to find Roger. 

“But one thing I hadn’t said though, was how I felt about him, I had been arguing with myself about the whole mess trying to talk myself out of the feelings I had towards him. I had even made a decision to pick Roger but then,” 

My voice was pitched with excitement as my story continued.

“I had a dream about two nights before Alistair was due to return home. In the dream I was at the stones Mama, at Craig na Dun just like when you told me about Da taking you there after the witch trail. I could hear Roger calling me through the stones shouting my name, again and again. I was turning towards the stones reaching out to it, but I then looked back and he was there, Alistair! Just standing watching me he didn’t speak at first but when I saw him, I shouted out that I didn’t want to leave and he replied, then don’t. I realised then I had been denying the truth and I had to stay with Alistair, that I wanted to marry him.”

I continued telling them both about how I had enlisted the help of the stable hands at River Run to find out when Alistair was returning home I didn’t want having to wait until he came again to River Run. About a week later Thomas came running to find me saying Alistair had been seen on the road home and arrived late the night before. I saddled up early the next morning with Phaedra and Thomas and made my way to the estate.  
It had felt like an eternity to arrive at the house, still early in the morning, we had made good time. Martha, Alistair’s house keeper had been delighted to see me hugging me at the door and bustling me through the door. Alistair had already risen and left for the stables. Running, though more likely to the casual observer, waddling, my way to the stables. I checked them and the barns, eventually finding him in the feed store checking a new delivery of oats. My heart was in my throat not just from nerves and joy at seeing him, but from the distance I had covered at speed finding him.  
The early morning light was gleaming through the top windows catching the floating particles which swirled and spiralled on their downward descent. The light also beamed as though a spot light onto Alistair, as though the heavens were confirming my hearts desire by highlighting my chosen. The muscles in his back tense from his stooped position as he lent over slightly, his breeks which he wore today instead of his kilt taught over his very firm, very nice arse.  
My breath hitched slightly and the noise caused him to turn. He stood in silence, staring, no doubt trying to catch his brain up to what his eyes beheld. 

“Brianna? What are ye doing here?” 

“Aren’t you pleased to see me?” 

I was suddenly taken back by the comment wondering had he changed his mind about his declaration to me.

“Pleased tae see ye? Brianna I canna believe yer afore me! That ye rode out here at this time to see me?”

“I came as soon as I knew you were home again, it’s been a long few weeks.”

“Aye it has.”

He didn’t say anything more but the pleading hopeful look in his eyes spoke volumes.  
Speaking with a calm reserve I didn’t think I had I simply said 

“My answer is yes.” 

And I continued just standing there, arms locked to my side, stopping me from reaching out to pull him to me. In the weeks since he had seen me, my pregnant belly had suddenly grown and was now easily noticeable to anyone who cast eyes on me. I had feared that having this now very large, very visible reminder of my pregnant state would cause him to regret or change his mind about what he had said but I didn’t care, I was tired of trying to hide my feelings and so I continued 

“I love you, have done since I first saw you, there is something that draws.” 

I didn’t get finishing my sentence before he was in front of me, reaching for me, arms pulling me close, tears pooling in his eyes being held back by those long lower lashes of his. 

“Ye really mean it? Ye love me? Ye want to marry me?” 

His face was beaming a wide smile spreading with each word.

“Yes, yes I really mean it!” 

I laughed, so glad to now be held in his embrace.

“Ye have made me a verra happy man Brianna.” 

He reached to kiss me, pausing just slightly as though to await permission. I closed the gap between us, hungrily crashing his lips to mine. His lips were soft and warm the salty taste of tears intermixing with the taste of bacon, eggs and tea and something that was just him. I melted into him as my own tears began to fall, emotions spilling over. Pulling away from the kiss we held each other tight, our bodies pressed together despite my large pregnant belly.  
After what seemed hours we moved apart. 

“Come ye up tae the house, I canna have ye walking and standing oot here in yer condition. I still canna believe ye rode over here to me.” 

We walked back to the house arms wrapped around each other, eyes looking over every inch of other. Neither wanting to allow the contact to break, as if to do so would cause reality to reset and this would not have happened. Entering the house via the working kitchen Martha, Phaedra, Thomas and the cook all stood staring. Martha breaking the silence first.

“I take it Sir we have a celebration to plan for soon?” 

“Aye we do, Brianna has agreed to marry me.” 

He barely had the words out before Martha was crashing into us pulling us both into a hug while the others all whooped and cheered. Morning tea was served to Alistair and I in the parlour. I enjoyed once again the biscuits and cakes his cook so excellently and effortlessly made and the pleasure of just sitting in the presence of Alistair, just being with someone who loved you and you loved in return.  
I broke the silence that lay between us.

“I need to tell you something about me, it might be a shock, seems impossible even but I swear to you it is the truth.”

“Aye? That seems ominous, should I be worried?

“No, not worried I just, it’s just, I don’t want any secrets between us, I want to be honest with you. Please listen to everything I tell you, can you do that?”

“Aye I’ll listen.”

My heart was beating so hard and fast I feared I would never get the words out, just simply drop dead in front of him. I prayed I had been right in loving him, trusting him, I needed to just start speaking.

“I’m from the future. I and my Mother can time travel, emm Roger too.”

I sneaked a peak at his face, unmoved and no emotion showing, he merely nodded as though encouraging me to continue.

“When I say I was raised by another man thinking he was my father in Boston, because my Mother thought my Da had died, I mean Boston, 200 years in the future. My Da knew my Mother was pregnant with me before Culloden and sent her back to her own time 1948, it’s the year I was born.  
My mother had fallen through the stones at Craig na Dun in 1946 and met my Da, married and then tried to stop the rising using her knowledge of the future but she couldn’t, they couldn’t stop it. On the eve of battle Da took her back to the stones believing his destiny lay on that moor, to die but he didn’t. When my Daddy, Frank Randall, died a few years ago Mama told me the truth. I didn’t believe her of course and I know you probably think the same, but we found him, found Da in history and I started to believe.  
Mama then travelled back and Roger and I watched her leave. I came through the stones months later when I discovered an article in a newspaper from Wilmington saying my parents had died in a house fire, I came to warn them. Roger followed he knew where I would be because he had seen the article too but had withheld it from me, fearing I would go through the stones. That’s what we argued about after the handfasting.”

It had come out a garbled mash up of words, but I needed to get them off my chest. I just hoped that Alistair believed me. I looked up at him now, face still stoic, blank expression.

“Can you say something? Anything? Do you believe me? I know it makes me seem a crazy person but I promise you it’s the truth!”

“It’s startling to be sure, but, the future? Really? It does make sense, ye are a rare woman when compared against others I ken, no that I ken a great deal of them ye must believe me. Ye aren’t like them worried about marriage, dresses, houses and the like and yer far tae outspoken.”

He raised and eyebrow at me when making that comment.

“And yer designs, engineering mind? I’ve never seen the like, sae it makes sense, aye it does. I believe ye, I think? If I have more questions canna ask them of ye? When they come tae me?”

“Yes of course! Anything at all! I can’t change anything that is to come, in history you know, Mama and Da found that out the hard way, and I’m not magic just regular old me and I would never hurt you, ever!”

“If ye travelled here tae this time to warn yer parents and based on the fact yer Mam was able to travel back to her own time, does that mean ye want to return then too? 

The last words were strained, forced out to avoid a sob and his face was now pained, eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

“No I want to stay here, with you.”

Relief spread across his face and a smile broke out, I loved watching his face change when he smiled. He reached out taking my hand in his.

“Brianna, I might no understand it fully yet, in fact, I might nevera understand it but I promise to support ye, rare as ye are already to me, I ken this makes ye rarer yet and I’ll protect ye. Yer secrets safe with me.” 

He kissed the back of my hand and I finally breathed out, not realising I’d held my breath and shoulders tense throughout, in hopes of getting through the conversation. He had believed me, maybe not understood it, but I promised I’d answer his questions as best I can and I could speak to him again with Mama and Da. 

As I tucked into my second biscuit a pain stabbed into my side, in truth I’d been having pains in my back and these short tight pains across my stomach the last day. I had assumed it was just my muscles and joints expanding with my ever growing bump however it was not. The stabbing pain doubled me over slightly and suddenly I felt a rush of fluids between my legs. 

“Brianna! Are ye alright is it the Bairn!? Martha! Phaedra! Come quick!” 

He was by my side in a second summoning help, the pain had been intense and my breath was still not back, so all I could do was nod my head yes to answer his question. Martha and Phaedra were at the door in a matter of seconds their eyes scanning over me and falling to the floor were the puddle had formed.

“It’s the baby, it’s coming oh Lord be kind! Thomas! Thomas! Come here you need to get to River Run send for the midwife, the Doctor too.”

Thomas came running into the room eyes wide with shock, nodding his apprehension he turned and ran for the stables. 

“Brianna it’s going to be alright, we’ll get ye upstairs, settled for the midwife coming.” 

Showing his strength he lifted me into his arms with ease and carried me upstairs to a guest bedroom. 

“I need, oooh! Eeeee! Don’t swear don’t swear!!! A clean waxed sheet, boiled water, alcohol ooooo!” 

I clutch my belly as a contraction tore through me. 

“Alcohol? Miss Brianna is that really needed? I birthed three babies with nothing but the midwife.” 

“It’s for cleaning, stop infection.” 

I breathed out between clenched teeth 

“inflammation Mama does it, need everything clean, hands, bed, I don’t think this baby is going to wait.” 

I knew I wasn’t making much sense but Phaedra looking at Alistair seemed to be able to work it out 

“Her mama, Mrs Fraser is a healer a mighty fine one at that, she washes her hands before touching anyone and often in between, cleans anything the patient touches and opens the windows too Sir.” 

“Right well if it needs done let’s get to it, Martha get clean linens, Phaedra get water set to boil, I’ll get the alcohol and sheet.” 

At once they all moved rushing to complete the tasks, leaving me on my own. I felt suddenly panicked, I can’t do this, I can’t have a baby, I am not a mother! I hadn’t thought much about my birth and had no clue what to expect but pains continued to roll across me and so I knew one way or the other it was happening. 

“So how did Alistair end up having to deliver Alexander?”

My Mother was sat, leaning forward slightly in the chair listening intently to every word I spoke. While Da had stopped walking around the room and was merely standing, Alexander resting in his arms, caught up in the story. 

“Well they all came charging back into the room, Alistair started cleaning his hands in the water and then cleaning the sheet with alcohol, Phaedra opened the window and Martha prepared the linens, then they all just turned and looked at me. I was breathing heavily through the contractions and they just stared until Alistair said it didn’t look like the midwife would make it in time and could Martha or Phaedra help with the birth.  
Both just looked terrified, Martha explaining that she’d had three babies but was at the other end at the time and both she and Phaedra had never assisted with a birth before. Alistair had birthed countless foals so it sort of fell to him.” 

Mama and Da both stifled a laugh. 

“Poor Alistair, but he did a very good job.” 

That was something we could all agree on. Later that evening Aunt Jocasta arrived delighted at the news of my safe deliverly. She loved having cuddles with Alexander while I regaled her with the dramatic birth story. She was not remotely surprised when I told her Alistair and I were to be married, instead smiling broadly and pulling my hand to her to congratulate me on finding a fine husband.  
She insisted on starting to plan the wedding straight away saying 

“Allow an auld blind woman to have her use.” 

And so that is how I now stood at the top of the stairs in River Run, decked out in the finest silk and lace my Aunt could source.

“Ye ready Mo Leannan?” 

“Yes” 

I needed only to say the one word, because I knew my heart and souls match stood at the fireplace in the drawing room awaiting to join mine.  
The ceremony was small neither Alistair nor I wanted a large crowd of people, opting for those close to us to be part of the celebrations.  
I was wearing a cream silk dress with lace detail trim on the three quarter sleeves and the mock apron front, the bodice was embroidered with tiny rows of thistles and eagles that ran along the bodice seams. The eagles had caused confusion of course and a vague response as to why a new bride would want them, but thankfully Phaedra seemed content with my “oh I just like birds” explanation.  
The eagle represented my home country, America, the country that I would now see the birth of. The thistle, Alistair’s home country.  
Alistair was decked out in full highland garb. He stood proud at the fireplace turned towards the doorway where he knew I would appear.  
The smile on his face matched the wide one beaming across my own and as I walked arm in arm with Da towards him I felt time slow. Each step I took reverberated through me, the breath hitting me deep in my lungs. It was as though my mind wanted me to remember each and every moment and my eyes were drinking it all in.  
When the Priest announced that we were man and wife, I felt time shift once more. Alistair moved and laid a gentle kiss on my lips, lingering for a few moments as our bodies pressed together and our heartbeats aligned. The claps and cheers seem to echo far away within my ears and I felt as though it was only the two of us there.  
The wedding feast was delicious meats of every kind, potatoes and vegetables piled high. Aunt Jocasta had done a marvellous job, nothing had been too much trouble or expense it seemed. The wine and ale flowed and toasts were given as the whiskey appeared, Da making the first.

“To our Daughter, a woman of strength and honour like her mother. To our son Alistair I welcome ye to our family. May yer life together be blessed and yer love for each other be true. Slainte math!” 

He raised his glass to me and Alistair, then reached his hand out to rest on Mama’s shoulder as though steadying himself, grounding himself to this moment, she beamed up at him, face and eyes bright. Since returning to this time I had seen such a different side to Mama how she leaned on, reached out to Da and he to her. They shared small touches and looks as general conversation took place or during daily activities. I couldn’t bring one memory to mind of when I had saw Mama and Daddy touch, hold hands, hug or kiss. Mama now looking back was stiff and withdrawn as if she tried to keep her body small and inward, here though? She was relaxed, tactile, reaching out to have touch, melting her body into it. She was happy and I was overjoyed for her.  
I couldn’t imagine how she had lived those twenty years, survived those twenty years, seeing her now, here with her heart’s soul mate it was as if she had been unveiled to me, cast out of her cocoon that held her in bondage to her old life. I knew she loved Daddy but she was not in love with Daddy, she never give her heart to him, that it seemed belonged to one man alone, my Da. 

The evening quickly sped passed and Alistair and I in blissful wedded rapture ascended the stairs to the guest chamber. Shouts and cheers had followed us from the drawing room as the guests continued on in the party spirit, helped along with wine, ale and whiskey flowing. The solid door swung closed, clicking into place and I stood for the first time alone with my husband.  
Nerves suddenly ravished my body, mind racing. This was his first time and my first time since, well since then. I felt my body stiffen, senses on fire as though it was preparing to run. I hadn’t had a nightmare since Alistair and I had been engaged and even before that they had reduced to near nothing. Alistair’s calming presence grounding me and rooting me to the here and now. My breathing was becoming fast and laboured and with tight corset and bodice it certainly wasn’t helping. Alistair some how already attuned to me, approached taking my hand, he silently lead me to the table and chairs by the fire and seated me. Handing me a glass of wine, he bent and kissed me gently on the forehead before sitting himself. 

“Brianna, mo chridhe ye take yer time, breath, relax, talk tae me, we’ve our whole life ahead of us to do more.” 

This man, what had I done to deserve this man? He sat lounged back in the chair, loosening his stock to remove it, then wriggled out of his coat and waistcoat. My breathing was becoming more relaxed and regular, I didn’t know why the panic attack had happened but perhaps my body and mind hadn’t repaired itself as well as I had thought. I wanted the touch of my husband, wanted it very much, had dreamed of this moment that we could be joined but yet somehow the reality of closing that door and being truly alone with him had sparked this primal instinct to flee. 

“I’m sorry Alistair I don’t know what is wrong, where this panic came from.” 

I stuttered out the words feeling them heavy in my mouth 

“It’s like my body is suddenly remembering what happened and it’s trying to stop it, protect me.”

“Ye have no need to say sorry, ye have done nay wrong if ye need time we will take it, go slowly, help yer body and mind to remember something better.” 

He sipped on his wine never taking his eyes from me, just staring lovingly, the fire glow reflecting in the glass and covering him in a warm yellow glow. I felt tears swell to my eyes blinking quickly to try and hold them back, these tears forming on what was one of the happiest days of my life and I couldn’t be sure as to what they represented. Alistair having seen them forming moved from his chair towards me, pausing slightly as he reached out 

“Is it alright if I touch ye?” 

“Yes” 

I sobbed, he had me pulled to him wrapped in his tight embrace, taking the chair I had just been removed out off he placed me on his lap, arms encircled around me. Though I was so much taller than he, somehow his arms and body shielded me, making me feel small and protected. My head rested against his as I buried myself into his body as far as I could get. 

“Ye just take yer time Mo Chridhe cry it all out, yer safe now, I’ll no see any harm come tae ye.” 

His voice was soft and warm, soothing to my soul and he was right I did feel safe. My heart rate and breathing stilled and my tears dried up as I sat wrapped in Alistair’s love. I breathed in his musky scent, a mixture of herbs from his morning bath, sweat and horse which was all intrinsically him. 

“I’m some wife for you, not a virgin, a bastard child, raped, possibly married though probably not correctly and on our wedding night a crying snotty mess!” 

I half laughed, half choked this out not daring to look at his beautiful face for fear I would see agreement. 

“You will be looking it annulled.” 

“Annulled!” 

He spoke it sharply as though shocked that the word had been spoken by me.

“Brianna I love ye, for who ye are. I love Alexander and it dinna matter one jot who sired him to me, ye were attacked, forced against yer will to have relations with a man no deserving of the title. Rape or no, child or no, handfasted or no I’ll have ye for ye are mine and I am yers.” 

At this declaration my heart swelled, fit to burst, I knew that with this man I can and would put my past hurts behind. Bringing my lips to his I kissed him gently, tasting his mouth against mine.  
The kiss deepened, my hands pulling him towards me as I reached to pull his shirt off. Bare chested, I moved back on the chair to take him in, skin slightly golden from working outside, taught over hard muscles, a small trail of hairs darker in colour than his hair peppered his chest. His shoulders solid and firm as my hands ran up his chest and along them. I could feel his erection pressing into my thigh and with his toned body and handsome face my primal desires seemed to kick in overriding any residual fear that had struck me.  
Removing myself from his knee I pulled him to his feet half dragging him towards the bed as I kissed him, passionate hungry kisses that caused my pulse to quicken and breath to hitch. Pushing him down onto the bed half dressed I pushed his kilt up seeing his throbbing cock for the first time. It lay hard and erect against his kilt covered stomach, a purplish pink colour, his balls pinched tight and covered with dark hair like those on his chest. Seizing it in my hand, I slowly pumped my hand loosely up and down his length as I trailed kisses up his chest to his mouth. Grabbing my skirts up out of the way I brought him to my heated and wet core sliding him in I sank down on him as he tensed below me. I rode him hard pushing myself down on him until I could feel his balls and pubic bone pressing into my sensitive spots. My hands and fingers raking along his chest and grabbing into his hair as my legs wrapped themselves into his pulling me even closer and creating more friction. Feeling my self start to loose control as my insides clamped and shook around his cock. Alistair was crying out my name, face twisted in ecstasy as he released into me. 

We lay connected together panting for breath for a few minutes before I rolled off him. Laying side by side on the bed looking to the canopied bed covered in embroidered fabric depicting scenes from a grand garden. 

“I’m sorry Alistair I don’t know what came over me, that mmm that wasn’t how it should of been for your first time.” 

I could feel my face flushing red and hoped he wasn’t looking towards me. No doubt his chest was covered in red scratches from my nails. I really didn’t know what came over me, just that I needed to claim him, have him, seize control. I allowed my body to lead and now felt ashamed for how I had taken him.  
A small grin appeared above me 

“lass if that’s no what it’s meant tae be like I dinna think I want tae ken what’s it’s meant tae be like.” 

He leaned down and kissed me 

“though I will admit I thought I’d see more skin!” 

A bubble of laughter erupted from his chest and I hugged him to me rubbing the smooth warm skin of his back. 

“I do love you, so much. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you for being you and thank you for helping me work through whatever that was.” 

“Anytime Mo Chridhe anytime. Besides I canna wait to see Miss Simpson and Miss Robinson tae confirm yer view on kilts is verra accurate!” 

He laughed as he rolled away from my hands as I tried to pin him and pinch him for the comment, both of us ending in a tangled heap of giggles.  
We lay entwined together not speaking, simply being as time passed by. 

“So then, my beautiful wife ye said that wasna how it shoulda went? Aye? So do ye fancy showing yer husband how it shoulda went?” 

“I would be honoured my love.” 

I answered in as regal a voice as I could muster, rolling over to pepper kissed along his neck and face.

“I think it’s time to get me out of this dress!” 

Hopping off the bed I stood with my back towards the bed 

“Can you help with the laces, they are on the back and I can’t reach.” 

Clad in his kilt and boots still, he slid of the bed behind me, pulling me back toward him and placed a gentle soft kiss on the exposed skin of my back. Then began unlacing slowly and surly the bodice, it loosened from my body and was pushed to the ground by his hands. The fabric pooling around my feet, the underskirts then were untied, the slight shake I had felt in his hands now gone as he confidently unlaced, untied and unhooked the various sections. Still behind me, I stood now in only my shift, he had seen me before in that state of undress of course, but I’d been a little distracted what with giving birth and I was now acutely aware that he had not seen another woman before and his first experience had been me giving birth yet it certainly hadn’t put him off. Evident by what we had just done and case in point with his erection that now stood pressing into my upper thigh. I still had some nerves about him seeing me fully, especially only a few weeks after Alexander’s birth. 

His hands were running over my body through the shift caressing and mapping my body. 

“Ye have the bonniest breests and arse I’ve everra seen and tae feel them now in my own hand.” 

He pressed more kisses to my spine sending tingles coursing down my back. Shifting to pull his boots and stockings off he turned me to him. Hands running through the waves of my hair 

“ye are the most beautiful woman I have evera seen, I canna believe yer my wife!” 

The words were desperate and wild, thick with desire as he crashed his body to mine and hungrily kissed me. I ran my hands down his back and across his firm arse, feeling it through the wool of his kilt. I wanted to see him now, fully. Grabbing for his belt, I undid it, dropping it to the floor along with his kilt. One hand now moved along his bare backside as the other ran along the his hip towards his pubic bone, feeling the dusting of hair move through my hand until I brushed his harden cock. An low growl escaped his throat as I took it and his hands slowly pulled and released the ribbon holding my shift, gently pushing it from my shoulders. I felt it move down my body to pool at my feet. We moved back from each other eyes racing over the other, silence filling the room.  
He was stunning, solid muscle, clear smooth skin, his rich brown eyes now even deeper pools, filled with desire and want. His hair had escaped his neat cue no doubt due to our earlier coupling.  
I could feel his eyes on me, taking in every inch of my body. My hand now coming to cover my stomach were the gentle lines of pregnancy marked, my stomach wasn’t as flat as before but had returned well enough. My breasts were full due to milk and nipples darker and more pronounced. I suddenly felt very exposed and ashamed that my body was not right. 

“It’s not much to look at all marked and swollen.” 

I was wrapping my arms around me to cover my body. I knew Alistair was not put off, that was very evident in the enormous, straining erection he had and the look of pure desire in his eyes. 

“Brianna ye don’t have to try and hide. Yer body is beautiful.” 

He closed the gap between us, reaching up to my hair 

“Yer hair as soft as silk thread, sae rich in colour and with wee waves that catch and throw the light. Yer eyes blue like the sky of a cloudless day. That rose pink mouth that kisses and caresses mine despite its outspoken ways!” 

He laughed at this then continued on, now kissing very softly down my body. 

“These breests, were ye feed and comfort our son so tenderly.” 

His hands and mouth now stroking, grasping and kissing them. 

“Yer stomach were ye carried our child, safe and protected, were ye loved and nurtured him.” 

One hand now ghosted across it around to my back, pulling me closer to him. 

“Must I go on?”

I brought him back up to my face planting kisses on his mouth. 

“You sir, are too smooth for your own good, saying all the right things to me. Get on the bed.” 

We lay wrapped under the blankets, facing each other, hands caressing and running over each other’s bodies. 

“We can learn what each of us like, where we like to be touched.”

“Well I already ken ye like being touched here and here and here.” 

Kissing me on the lips, neck and breast. Continuing his downward trail lavishing my stomach and thighs, as his mouth and hand moved along my inner thigh my breath hitched and a small moan escaped. 

“Seems ye like here as well? What if I move higher?” 

One finger gently moved, barely touching my skin as it seemed to hover over my intimate parts. Spreading my legs wider and arching my back I moaned and whimpered in anticipation. 

“Touch me, please touch.” 

It was forced out in strangled breath, my body straining to reach him. A growl escaped from low in his throat as he moved to devour me, fingers pressing and caressing, as his tongue licked and pulsed against me. I shuddered under his attentions, body rising from the bed like a phoenix and in truth I was being reborn, through the loving of my husband who was attuned and listening to my body. 

As I fell back to bed, desire still coursing through every inch of me, I wanted him to cover me with himself, claim me as his as I had done to him. As though listening to my thoughts he rose above me his cock swollen and hard as he moved to thrust into me. The joining was gentle and slow, him savouring every second as I closed around him. Soft lips met mine as his hand ran through my hair and down my cheek, holding his gaze to mine. A deep steady thrusting rhythm echoed out as our two souls entwined. As our hips rose to meet, Alistair looked me in the eyes 

“I love ye Mo Chridhe sae verra much and I vow tae ye that I will never so much as lay a finger on ye without yer permission. We will learn each other ways and love each other fiercely.” 

We melted into each other, each taking our release as the night drew darker outside.


	16. Let’s face the music and dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree meets a familiar face

Four months had passed since our wedding and I had settled into wedded bliss with Alistair. I enjoyed having the running of my own home and staff. Alistair was loving being a husband and father and it warmed my heart to see him carrying Alexander, settling him for sleep or comforting him with Highland tales.

Work for both of us was busy, I had been asked to design barns, worker accommodation and docks for several land owners in the area, having been excepted as having good skills in design and engineering. It felt good to have a purpose and drive for something other than home life, my hands itched with the need to create and my eyes were always looking, seeing where improvements could be made. 

Alistair was due to travel to Boston to deliver two new fillies to a regular buyer, I hated the thought of him being away for weeks on end but he would see me to Fraser’s Ridge before he left and that was something to look forward too, as I missed Mama and Da.   
Before he was due to leave Aunt Jocasta had sent word that Mama was calling with her. Her eyes and head had been paining her and she hoped Mama would be able to help ease them. So it was due to this, that we had both travelled to Aunt Jocasta’s one Sunday to dine, little did I know what this day would bring as I rode alongside Alistair with Alexander securely strapped to his chest.   
The morning was spent catching up with Mama and Aunt Jocasta, while Alistair checked in on Aunt Jocasta’s horses. I loved catching up on life at the ridge, hearing all the tales of adventure and near misses that befell Da. He unfortunately was busy with planting and his tenants so Mama had travelled with Arch Bug.   
Lunch was served on the veranda, Aunt Jocasta could not bare the sunlight at present so dining on the veranda was limited to cloudy, overcast days which this day was. The food was delicious as always and I enjoyed the views out over the lands of River Run.   
The land was abuzz with life, small winged insects zipped and swirled in the light breeze and the sounds of birds chattering, echoed across the open grass to the river. Wild flowers grew freely sweeping down to the river bank and long grasses gently caressed the waters edge. The overcast sky hugged the heat to the ground and dulled the light giving the feel of cocooning and isolation, as though we were the only people here, the occasional shouts and whistles of the men working in the pastures the only thing betraying that reality. 

I settled down into the large winged chair in the library, taking a moment to enjoy opening the book cover for the first, inhaling that unique musty book smell, adjusting my eyes to the type on the page and sighing into myself at the simple pleasure of reading.  
Devouring the first pages, I was lost in the epic adventure beginning to unfold. Wanting to seize the solitude of these peaceful child free moments for all they were worth. I was brought back by the calling of my name.

“Brianna? Bree? Do ye wanna give our wee laddie a kiss before I put him tae bed for his nap?”

“Of course, I’ve always got kisses for my boys.” 

Alistair stooped down to allow me to plant a gentle kiss on Alexander’s sleepy head and a matching one on his Da’s lips, the blissful family moment was interrupted by another voice calling me.

“Mistress Brianna, Mistress Brianna.”

I startled in my seat looking round to Ulysses standing at the doorway. 

“Sorry to interrupt your reading Mistress but a man has called to see you.” 

“A man? Did you get his name?” 

I was thinking perhaps it was a landowner looking for some design advise and I could ask for him to call at my house next week instead, nothing however could have prepared me for the name Ulysses did say.

“A Mr MacKenzie, Mistress. Do you wish for him to be shown in here or will you speak with him on the front porch?” 

I was grateful for inheriting Da’s ability to mask my emotions, as right that second I wanted to vomit and run away, scream and cry, yell at him and hug him all at the same time. Ulysses was still standing waiting for my answer and I prayed my voice would not betray me.

“Thank you Ulysses, I will speak to him in here.”

Ulysses bowed and turned to bring Roger into the library. I had only seconds to figure out what to say or do. Alistair stood staring at me.

“MacKenzie? As in Roger?”

“I think so? I’m really not sure but it could be”

He stiffen beside me, searching my face for clues. Did I want to speak to Roger? Did I need to speak to Roger? Why was he here now? My mind was racing and nothing was coming clear to my mind and then, there he was in front to of me.   
He was wearing well worn breeks and a shirt that had been repaired several times. His stockings were splashed with specks of mud and his shoes scuffed and worn. His face was drawn and several days worth of growth covered it, his hair pulled back in a greasy low ponytail. He looked a broken man but still recognisably Roger. 

He was a big man, I had forgotten how large and even with weeks of unsteady food he had not lost much of his muscled bulk. I suddenly felt small and insignificant, rooted to the spot, words still failing to form.   
He moved, closing the distance between us, his face had shone with delight at seeing me but faded as I remain stoic, frozen in place, emotion hidden and he then took in the presence of Alistair holding our son. 

“Alistair could you take Alexander up for his nap please? I need to speak to Roger.”

Alistair merely nodded at me, pulling Alexander closer to his breast and walked quickly out of the library. 

“Was that my son?”   
His voice was choked with emotion.

“Why are you here?” 

“I er I came back for ye, aye for ye and the bairn, I’m sorry I took so long, I, it, I needed sometime.”

“Time?”

“It was a lot to get my head around, I needed to understand ye ken.”

“Understand?”

“I’m a no going to get more than one word answers? Are ye no pleased to see me?” 

There was a cocky confidence almost in these last words, as he drew his arms out away from his sides, opening them as if awaiting an embrace. I couldn’t be sure that he didn’t expect me to rush into them and bring him to me. I still had not rectified his presence to my feelings.   
I had of course cared for him, loved him even. I was certainly glad he had been found safe and rescued but having heard nothing from him in over a year, his failure to return with Mama and Da, I had assumed he had returned to his time and that I’d never see him again, but now he stood before me, wanting me back. 

“Roger I don’t know what to say, am glad your safe and well but, why now?”

“I made a mistake, I should never have left ye. I should have returned with yer Mam and Da.” 

These words breathed out on his last breath in a shout, emotion flooding his face. 

“It would have been too late even then.”

“Too late? Ye fallen out of love with me? We were handfasted? Have a child together?” 

Panic tinted his words now. I still had not moved but knew he deserved the truth and dreaded how to make myself say the words, to see his world crushed and hope snuffed out. Was this how Mama felt telling Daddy about me? About what happened between her and Da?

“Roger there will always be a part of my heart that loves you, cares for you but I’m married now.” 

I held my hand up, shining wedding band gleaming.

“Married? What! No ye canna be! We, we were handfasted!” 

“I am married, you walked away after the handfasting and I haven’t seen you in over a year!” 

“I walked away? Ye think I walked away!? Brianna, Bree, I tried to come back to ye but Bonnet wanted me back on the boat the bastard said I canna leave then I went to the Ridge, tae find ye, then, well ye ken fine what happened! I swear everyday I was with the Indians I thought only of ye, ye kept me going, kept me alive. I’ve come back now to claim ye as mine to bring ye both back to our time.” 

Desperation flooded his words and he choked out the last few words. 

“I’m married, I won’t be going anywhere with you.”

“Married? To who?” 

He said it as though it was the first I had ever mentioned it and it was the most incredulous statement he had ever heard. 

“Yes I am married, did you think no one else would want me, spoiled goods that I was? Not every man has desire to marry a virgin. Some want to marry the woman they love.” 

The words were spat out in bitterness, my mind remembering how he would only bed me if I was wed to him, despite having clearly no objections to acquiescence to the desires and wiles of the fairer sex previously. 

“I dinnie mean it like that, yer a beautiful woman any man would want ye. Who is he?”

“My husband is the man who was here when you arrived.”

“Him?! That wee bittie bloke? Ye married him!” 

I fully expected him to laugh and felt my face flush with anger. 

“Yes I did and he is a fine gentleman!” 

He cut me off mid breath stopping my reply.

“Do ye love him?”

“Yes I do with all my heart.” 

My eyes filled with tears and I blinked to try and hold back the tide of emotions, the hurt that ripped across his face crushing me.

“But, I, mmm, what? But ye love me? Handfast me? We have a child? I don’t understand?” 

Tears had started to roll down his face, large fat droplets, a tortured agony within his voice. Regaining what composure I had, I swallowed hard, this right here was the most difficult thing I had ever had to face and I had renewed understanding for my Mother’s plight all those years ago. It is most definitely not, all fair in love and war, someone always gets hurt. 

“I do love you Roger, there will always be a part of me that holds a special place for you.”

“Then let that be enough! come with me!” 

He grabbed for me again and I pulled away, stepping back one pace and swallowed hard to drive the emotions away so I could be in control.

“Let me finish what I was saying Roger. Let me speak.” 

I paused for a few seconds using them to physically fight my thoughts in my mind into some sort of order.

“As I said I do love you and care about you but not in the way that I care and love Alistair. I don’t know who the father of Alexander is and it does not matter who sired him, only who raises him.”

“Bree I want to be part of his life, be with him and ye, how can ye say ye love another?”

“Because I do Roger, don’t make this harder than it already is, go back home to your own time, forget about us.”

He closed the gap between us, dropping to his knees, he wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my stomach. My arms ached to comfort him, embrace him in a hug, pulling him closer to me. We had a shared history, we had loved and he was potentially my son’s father but yet I had made my decision or rather my heart had.   
I had lost it hook, line and sinker in one moment to Alistair and my life had changed completely, I could not go back to him.

“Come with me? We can just go! Bring the bairn, we can head away now, back to our time, marry properly be together, I’ll care for ye both. I love ye Bree I canna let ye go.” 

He had rose to his feet, taking my face in his hands and as he pleaded his last words to me, a frantic energy flowing from him, electrifying the room. 

“I can’t go with you Roger!”

“Yes ye can just lift the bairn and we will go right now! We can do this, come with me!” 

His voice was now raised and tinged with anger, he paced before me hands running through his hair, face crumpled in desperation.

“Bree please! Come with me, I will never leave ye again, ye have my word, please?” 

He was sobbing now unable to control his emotions.

“I won’t go with you, I belong here, this is my time, my family is here, I don’t belong in your time, not anymore.”

“My time? It is your time, you belong there with me! It’s not safe here, ye know what’s coming! How can ye stay and risk it all?!”

He shouted this out, frustration now showing the pacing becoming worse.

“It isn’t my time. I should have been born here not then, Mama is staying, my Da is here and so is my husband. There is nothing in your time for me.”

As soon as the words left my mouth I wished I could swallow them back, I saw each words strike and rip him open.

“Nothing for ye in my time? Is that it! Is that the truth! I mean nothing to ye! We could be happy, safe, ye and Alexander would be cared for, I could make ye happy again in time. Please Bree see the truth.”

“No Roger you can’t make me happy anymore, my happiness is with Alistair and I have made my choice. I have seen a marriage of obligation and a marriage of love and I won’t see that for myself or put that burden on any other. My mother she lived half a life, a ghost of an existence haunted by the love she had left behind. I will not be the same.”

He stopped pacing and dropped his arms to his side, slowly slumping into a chair as though all the air had been taken from him. His face redden and streaked with tears, eyes staring into the distance. 

“Roger I’m sorry but you need to leave. I must go and see to my husband and son.”

I wanted to go and embrace him one last time, kiss his cheek goodbye. Acknowledging the shared life and history that we had but his pained face and slumped shoulders told me it would do no good but harm. I simply turned and walked out of the room and slowly made my way up the stairs, wiping the stray tears that fell, each footstep on the stairs taking me further from Roger and my past towards Alistair and my future.


	17. I know my own mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been following along with this story and for the kudos and comments!  
> Little bit NSFW

The door creaked slightly as I pushed it open, dappled light flooded the room from the lace covered windows and small regular snores rumbled from the crib in the centre of the room. Scanning my eyes around I couldn’t see Alistair and my heart skipped with wondering where he would be. Crossing the room to lay eyes on my son, I smiled at his sleeping form. Arms stretched up by his head, fists tightly clenched together, copper locks sticking out at various angles. Brushing my finger gently along his soft pudgy cheek a small smile broken on his mouth, he had only started doing this, a trait shared by me and his Granda.  
I checked in the dining room, drawing room and the parlour for Alistair with no joy. I didn’t know where he was and was starting to panic, I needed to speak to him, to hold him, tell him he had nothing to worry about. Mama and Aunt Jocasta were in the study, the darkest room at this time of day. Mama took one look at me, crossed the room enveloping me close in a tight hug.

“Oh darling are you alright? How did it go?”

“Where’s Alistair?”

“He went for a walk, he told us Roger arrived. I wanted to go to you but he said you needed to do this to on your own.”

“Roger did arrive and Alistair is right I did need to do that on my own. It was awful Mama.” 

The emotions I had been trying to fight into check tumbled out and I cried into her arms.

“It was so hard Mama, I do love him but not how I love Alistair and the thought of, he wanted me to go back with him! Leave here, leave you and Da and Alistair. I just couldn’t even imagine doing that. How did you ever leave Da, Mama? How did your body survive that loss?” 

The words were interspaced between sobs and gasps for air.

“I sometimes don’t know how we did it Bree, my darling, but we are together now and Bree, you and only you know your heart, never fear following it.” 

She kissed me gently on the forehead.

“Now go find your husband, he headed in the direction of the river.” 

She spoke softly but with an edge of understanding, she after all could speak from experience. 

I knew where he would be, at our spot on the abandoned dock. I ran, not caring about the heat or the lack of ladylike etiquette, I needed to get to Alistair.  
Turning the corner on the small track I saw the dock ahead of me. Alistair was sitting on the old bench staring out to the water. His face redden by tears and emotion matching mine. My footsteps hard on the ground broke his attention and he stood as I reached the beginning of the wooden planks.  
He was ten feet from me, holding himself in a tense stance, back straight, arms forced to his sides. His jacket was removed, flung across the bench and his sleeves were rolled up and stock loosened. His hair had a few strands that had escaped his leather thong holding it in a tidy cue and they floated elegantly in the breeze, attracting the eye to their gentle movements.

“I willna stand in yer way, Brianna.”

“What?”

“If ye have chosen him, if ye wish to leave I willna stand in yer way. I want ye to be happy.”

This perfect man, this love of my life was stood here, toiling with this thought, thinking I would not choose him! Declaring he only wanted my happiness. 

“I’ve already made my decision you know that.”

“Aye but he, Roger wasna stood before ye then, giving ye the option tae return. I canna bear the thought of ye leaving but I dinna want tae stand in yer way tae happiness.” 

“Well what if I don’t want to leave? Will you still see to my happiness then?”

A smile broke across his face and he went to move forward, stalling after two steps as if unsure, wondering if I was telling the truth, if he had heard correctly.

“I love you and want to be with you, you ridiculous Scot!”

Then he was there in front of me, pulling me into an embrace, his head buried on my shoulder, his body shaking with sobs.

“I thought, I really thought ye would leave me, take the bairn and go back tae yer own time. I sat here praying for the strength to allow ye tae go. Tae no burden ye with my sorrow and pain.”

“I could never leave you. I love you, you hold my heart and soul and I yours. We belong together. I have loved you, desired you from the first time I laid eyes upon you.”

“And I ye, Mo Chridhe. Promise me ye will never leave me, I canna bear to be apart from ye.”

“I promise.” 

Our mouths then crashed together, a possessive dance of tongues. I felt the desire and possession build within me, I needed to claim him, have him claim me. My hands tugged at his breeks laces loosening them as his hands grabbed my skirts pulling them up out of the way. His hand found my intimate parts as mine found and wrapped around his harden cock.  
The kisses were still desperate neither wishing to break apart even for air and we went to the ground, Alistair finding my waiting legs open and ready.

“Please Alistair do it, do it now I need to feel you inside me.”

I was panting for air, my hand still moving back and forth on his straining cock, his seed leaking and being dragged by my hand along its length. His hand was rubbing and pulsing in and out of me.

“I need more, you inside me, I need to feel you take me.”

My body was crying out for his, my thighs quaking with need as my orgasm built and built, his hand still rubbing and pushing in and out of me. He moved closer grasping his cock in his hand, my hand now reaching to take a hold of his arse firm and smooth, pulling him closer to me. His cock found me sliding in with ease, filling my insides his balls tight against me, creating more friction and sending orgasms pulsing through me. It was not a gentle taking, but raw and animalistic, each thrust driving into me hard, claiming me. 

“Like that yes! like that! I’m yours Alistair claim me.”

“Ye are mine Mo Chridhe, mine and no others. Watch me take ye see whose cock ye quiver and come on, mine and mine alone.”

We were both sweating and panting thrusting into each other with wild abandon. His final thrust hard and deep as he spilled himself into me, my body riding out a final orgasm that made me tighten around his cock and shout out his name.

“I love ye Brianna, I love ye sae much.”

We collapsed into each other on the dock not caring that we were exposed. Alistair’s arse still bared to the world and my skirts rucked up to my chest. Still joined as our breathing and heart rates slowed down. 

“I can’t believe you thought I would leave you” 

We sat, clothing now respectably fixed on the bench, hands and fingers entwined. Neither wishing to release their hold on the other.

“I just panicked I dinna no what I’d do if ye did choose that, that’s why I came here. I needed tae think. What happened between ye? Of course ye dinna tae have tell me.”

“I want to tell you, no secrets I have always told you the truth.” 

So I told him all that was said between Roger and I. He hugged me close, pulling me into his lap. 

“Do ye think we will hear from him again?”

“No I don’t think so, he has nothing here.”

I smiled into my husband’s neck, breathing in the musky scent of him. I always felt small and protected when he held me on his lap and I sunk down into his body. Calmed and comforted by the familiar love of my husband.


	18. A bad penny...

Days and weeks bled into months as time spun along and Alistair and I hadn’t spent a day apart since that Sunday on the dock. Sending his overseer, Hamish in his place and when he did have to travel taking both Alexander and I with him. We had spent an extended time at Frasers Ridge on route to Boston and the same on return. It felt wonderful to be back at the ridge in the wilderness and I had missed Mama and Da so much, though they too had spent large amounts of time with us on the farm, so they didn’t miss out on the bench marks of development of their beloved grandchild. 

And boy! Was he growing! His first birthday came and went, walking, saying his first word, of course it had to be Da, trying solid foods and his first hair cut. All milestones that me and his Da beamed at, he was developing his own personality and his shoulders and back showed the promise of height and strength like his Granda, who he adored. It warmed my heart to see my Da, Alexander in one arm, horse reins in the other, or stooped to one side, large hand encasing a tiny one, as they walked side by side in the yard. Auburn locks blazing in the sun, slight head tilt as they watched the horses in the paddock. I often caught Mama gazing at this sight and didn’t need to ask her, to know what it meant to her or where her mind was. 

Routine came and went as seasons passed by. The last few weeks, Alistair had been preparing for quarter day and so a new, rather enjoyable afternoon routine had unfolded. It had started on Tuesday afternoon passed, Alexander was sleeping, due his nap and the house was quite. I was bored, no interest in reading or drawing and I was all caught up with my design work, so I’d wandered into the study to see Alistair.  
He was bent over ledgers, frantically scribbling numbers out with a quill. Clearly busy, clearly no time to indulge me.

“What are you doing? Are you busy?”

“Aye busy enough, just getting caught up with the ledgers in time for quarter day, have tae make sure I can keep my lovely wife with a roof over her heid!” 

He laughed and set the quill down, beckoning me over to him and patting his knee for me to sit on. I sank down onto his knee, wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a kiss in his lips. 

“Alexander is down for his nap.”

I waggled my eyebrows at him suggestively, while wiggling my arse in his lap. 

“Mmmm that sounds good but I have so much work tae get through. I canna take a break even for yer bonny arse.”

He grabbed a handful and plastered kisses along my neck and face, making me giggle and promptly fall off his knee with a shriek. That’s how the idea was then formed, as I crawled towards his knees carefully pushing his kilt up his thighs. Exposing his cock which twitched slightly and slowly expanded in eager anticipation. My hands slid up his thighs, lips following. A small choked growl rolled from Alistair’s throat as I seized his cock in my mouth, sucking him down deep, then swirling my tongue around the tip. Tasting his already leaking seed. My hand groped and teased his harden balls, feeling his hips thrust upwards, as groans of pleasure escaped his mouth. His hands were running through my hair and along the back of my neck. The gentle pressure and breathy groans driving me on. His head dropped back and his grip on my head tightened as his hot seed filled my mouth. 

“Awh Bree!”

He breathed out loudly through his mouth, and hugged me into him. A satisfied smile covering his face.

“I take it we enjoyed that?”

“Oh aye, I did”

I pulled the curtains closed and rocked Alexander gently against my shoulder. The tell tale weighty heaviness of my son evidence of his slumber. Placing him into his crib, I ran my finger along his cheek, enticing that sweet smile. Slowly and quietly I moved out of the room, closing the door softly behind me. A grin sprang to my face as I moved along the hall, knowing full well what my afternoon would entail. I giddily made my way down the stairs, looking forward to licking my husband’s cock from balls to tip. 

As I moved towards his study the rumble of voices interrupted my thoughts. The door was closed over, so I pressed myself against it listening. 

“Sae ye said ye had an important reason to call upon me regarding my wife.”

Alistair’s tone was sharp and clipped with heavy emphasis on the word wife.

“Aye, I do, it concerns Brianna and my child.”

Roger! What! Why is he here?! My mind raced as I continued to listen. 

“That’s Mrs McLeod tae ye. Ye’ll address my wife accordingly in her own home Mr MacKenzie.”

“What! Ye canna be serious? She was my.”

“Roger! It’s Alistair’s home and Bree is his wife, yer no here to row.”

Da? What’s he doing here too and then I heard Mama sweet high pitched voice breaking into agreement with Da. What was this all about?

“Aye, I’m sorry for offending ye. I’m here on business effecting Mrs McLeod.”

I could hear in his voice how hard it was to speak those words.

“I’ve been working the boats and dock warehouses these last months.”

“Why dinna ye go home? This is no yer time. What are ye hanging around for?”

“I couldn’t go, I couldn’t leave her. I respect her choice I do, but that’s no why am here. Bonnet, I know where he is, what he has planned, we can kill him for what he did tae her.”

The emotion was sticking in his throat making him force the last words out. 

“Would this be for Brianna’s sake or to absolve ye for the wrongs ye did, that left her at his mercy?” 

“Ye bastard! It’s for her! I would never see harm come tae her! I love.”

“If yer last words is “love her” dinna dare speak it! For ye dinna ken the meaning of it. Ye came in here tae her house, which she is mistress off demanding secret meetings with me to put forward what? A plan to kill the man who raped her?”

“Aye for the man shouldn’t be fit to breathe the same air as her. I thought ye would understand, as her husband! That ye’d demand the same, no real man should be able to bide while the man who took his woman against her wishes lives.” 

“No real man abandons the woman he allegedly loves in a strange town tae be raped! Ye speak of my wife like property Mr Mackenzie, I wilna have it. I’ll listen tae nay more without Brianna being part of this, it is her decision as tae what happens the man, no ours!”

“Stop it both of ye! Afore a bash yer heids together!” Roger ye haven’t told him why yer here, why we came! Get tae the point, my daughter and grandsons safety is at risk.”

“What? Bree and Alexander aren’t safe Jamie?”

“Aye, Bonnet he’s coming for Alexander and Bree. Roger tell him what ye ken.”

My heart stopped in my chest. I listened without drawing breath to all that Roger told Alistair. Stephen Bonnet wished to seize my child thinking he was his and then lay claim through him to my Aunt’s estate. Roger had overheard Bonnet planning it and had went to the ridge seeking my Da. They had then left for mine and Alistair’s straight away. Silence fell upon the study and a sudden possessive, animalistic, desire to protect took over my body, I needed to have my baby in my arms. I ran for his room taking the stairs two at a time, barrelling through his door, I was surprised he hadn’t bolted awake. I lifted his heavy sleeping form, crushing him against me then made for the stairs again.

“I wilna have any part of any plan that my wife dinna ken. This involves her and our bairn and sae she will be included. Do ye hear me? This isna about settling auld scores, this is about protecting my wife and son.”

Alistair opened the study door to find me running towards him, face pale with terror, Alexander’s still sleeping form gripped tight to my body. I practically dove into his arms. Transferring Alexander into his.

“I heard, most of it.” 

Fighting to hold back my tears, that were with every second threatening to fall, as renewed terror for that man flooded my body and mind. I had put the attack behind me, moved on, safe with Alistair. Heck, I’d even stopped having nightmares, this couldn’t be happening! Mama and Da pulled me into a hug, covering me in warmth, soothing hands rubbing my back.

“We are here for ye, tae keep ye safe. That Mac na Galla will no get Alexander.” 

“Thanks Da”

The words bubbling out in a sob as my body now shook. Alistair was sitting at the desk and motioned for me to come round to him, pulling my chair out that sat beside his. 

“Sae we need a plan of what tae do, any ideas?”

Sitting heavily in the chair my hand reached out for Alistair’s grabbing it tightly. I drew strength from his calming presence and could finally settle and take in the room. Mama and Da were sat close together, hands tightly held, faces pained with worry. Roger sat directly in front of Alistair, rigid in the seat, body unmoving, eyes fixed on Alexander’s sleeping form held in his Da’s arms. 

“So what’s the plan?”

I looked around expectantly, as eyes all shot to me.

“Well Roger here has overheard Bonnet making plans tae come here and kidnap Alexander. It’s planed for Saturday night. Bonnet reckons there will be less around here tae protect the bairn, he kens Alistair let’s half his staff off on a Sunday. So they plan on late Saturday night early Sunday morning when the staff are most likely drunk.”

“So we know the when and how of it, how many many men are helping him? Do we have staff working for him?”

Sudden panic poured into my mind at the thought of someone here betraying our trust.

“Nay no insiders, just his own men. I overheard about 7 of them in total. Planings been going on for a while it seems.”

It was the first Roger had spoken since I had entered the room, though his eyes did not move from Alexander.

“Mo Chridhe ye ken we won’t allow anything to happen tae Alexander, I promise ye he will be safe. Until Bonnet is dead at yer feet, Alexander won’t be out of arms reach from me, his Mam or grandparents, day or night. We will have men watching night and day around the house and for Saturday, an ambush in place. If Bonnet enters this house he’ll have a Highland welcome he’s no likely to forget.”

Alistair spoke with a firm cold voice, taking command of the situation. 

“Martha! Martha!”

Foot steps thundered along the hallway and the door burst open, Martha’s plump figure filling the gap as she breathed heavily from the exertion.

“Sir are you well! What’s a miss?”

“Martha ring the bell, gather the men. I’ve a tasking for them.”

Without answer, she turned eyes falling on me in question as she ran again to do her Master’s bidding. The bell rang out, the homely ringing that brought order and routine to my days, now echoing emptily in my head. In a matter of half an hour the men were all gathered at the back porch. All looking up towards Alistair, stood beside Da. He recounted to them what was amiss, the risk and danger faced.

“Sae men will ye stand with me and defend my wife and son?”

Ayes! Rang out across the small crowd. 

“Well then let’s plan and prepare.”

Turning towards Da, Alistair brought him forward to explain the plan to keep Alexander protected and ambush Bonnet’s men. Mama stood beside me, Alexander now in her arms, facing out towards the unfolding scene of planning and tactics, men’s heads bent in concentration, grunts of understanding breaking through the chatter.  
Roger stood slightly to the periphery of the group not fully engaged in the task of planning. Small glances being cast towards me and Alexander. It was because of this slight movement that I saw the look on his face when Alexander began pointing and shouting loudly “Da, Da, Da!” The look deepening as Alistair with practiced ease turned and lifted Alexander from Mama’s embrace, flinging him in the air before pulling him tight to his chest and receiving giggles and kisses from his son. The look was nothing other that complete heartbreak and despair.

A plan was formed and discreet patrols and watches would be in place. The Saturday would see Mama, me and Alexander safety holed up in Martha and Hamish’s house protected by some of the men. The house would then be filled with the others, ready to ambush Bonnet and his men.  
Dinner had been more relaxed than I had thought and Alistair allocated rooms to Mama and Da as well as Roger. He spoke little, small glances towards me and Alexander being the only exchange between us. It was strange I was grateful he came with the information and had told Da too but I felt very little else towards him. It was like meeting an old friend from school not meeting a man you had potentially been considering spending your life with, who might possibility be the father of your child.  
I could see him looking at Alistair and Alexander interacting together, their bond so close and strong. He was starting to get sleepy as Alistair tried to feed him the last of the roast chicken. 

“I think someone is past their bedtime. I’ll take him up, stay with him. Ye finish yer supper.”

Alistair lifted a sleepy rag doll like Alexander, moving towards me to kiss me goodnight. I placed a gentle kiss on Alexander’s head and one on my husbands lips. Quite “night nights” and a chubby handed wave, brought a smile to my face, as Alexander’s half sleeping face disappeared through the door, cradled to his Da’s shoulder.  
I finished my meal enjoying the time to chat with Mama and Da. They appearing much calmer and more at ease, now that a plan was in place. Roger again said very little, answering with one word or short sentences to any question asked. Matching yawns spread on Mama and Da’s faces, tiredness from their journey here clearly evident. 

“Bree I think I’ll take yer Mam tae bed before she falls asleep in her plate.”

He quietly chuckled to himself while helping her to her feet. She leaning into him, smiling in apology at me as they left the dining room with good nights cast behind them. It left only Roger and I and awkward silence. 

“Mmm I think I should head to bed too, Alistair will be needing me. You know where your room is?”

I rose from my seat, placing the napkin on the table and trying to pull my skirts from my legs, to allow them to work, to get me out of here and awkwardness. 

“Please! Don’t go, can ye no even bear to be in the room alone with me now?”

“Roger I don’t know what to say to you? You appear here after months of never thinking I’ll see you again, bringing news of, I don’t even know how to describe it! Say hardly a word to anyone and stare at my son! What do you want from me? I don’t know how to be around you anymore!”

“Were we no friends at one time? Can we no be that again?”

“Friends? I, Roger, I just don’t know if I can do that yet.”

“Well what about even politeness? Ye ken am going be in your house for the next week.”

“Fine I can do that, but you need to respect my decision, respect my husband and son.”

“I will I promise. It took me a long time to come to terms with ye being married. I ken ye won’t be with me, that’ll ye’ll no leave him to go back but can ye please at least tell me about my son?”

“Roger, you know as well as I do that we can’t be sure who fathered him.”

“Well we ken fine enough it’s no the man he is currently calling Da!”

The words were spat out in anger. His hands turning white as he clenched them on the table. 

“And what! Alistair is the only father he will know! You made a choice Roger he made his! He loves me and Alexander, he is the one caring for him, rocking him to sleep, bathing him, not you!”

My voice was now raised, anger embedded in each word as I moved from behind my chair towards the door. 

“Aye and whose fault is that!?” 

“What!”

“I came back! I returned tae ye, for ye and the bairn! Ye were the one who moved on hooring with the next man tae show ye interest!”

“How dare you! I did no such thing!”

“Aye am sure ye dinna, no doubt he wouldna been interested if he wasna getting a taste! Nay chance of ye getting anymore pregnant was there?! I don’t even no tae believe ye about Bonnet!”

“What!? I can’t believe you would even say such a thing! You, who used me and ran off when we had a fight! Leaving me in that town at that man’s mercy! Then to even suggest I played you false by willing laying with him?! I had nightmares about that attack, feared every noise in the night, every shadow and you stand there before me now saying that?! Alistair he healed me of that! He helped me through and never once, ever! Did he blame me or think I brought it on my self!” 

Tears fell now, blinding my vision. I wiped angrily at them. He had moved round the table and grabbed my arm, I struggled to get away from him but his grip was too tight. He lent towards me, face redden in rage.

“Have ye any idea how I felt?! Getting rescued after I don’t even know how long, then listening as yer Mam and Da recounted how ye were with child. I was overjoyed, the woman I loved, pledged myself tae was carrying my bairn, but nay that wasn’t the simple case. Nothing is straight forward with yer damn family Bree! Nothing. But when I returned after realising I canna live without ye, bastard child and all I find ye married and ye just dismiss.”

“Would yer care to take yer hands off my wife and move away from her!”

Alistair appeared at the door, Da’s looming bulk just behind him. In two strides he was beside me, inserting himself between Roger and I, pulling me behind him. 

“I think it’s time ye and I spoke Mr MacKenzie. Take a seat. Brianna, my love do ye want tae go up tae bed. Yer Mam is with Alexander.” 

Alistair’s voice was stern but level, his eyes never leaving Roger. I nodded, still shaken by the row and the words he had spoken. My arm was sore from where he had grabbed me and I was glad I didn’t need to speak as I didn’t think I could without crying. Da wrapped his arm around me, raising his eye to Alistair in confirmation to go before escorting me out. Once through the door the tears returned with no control and I let them flow. 

“Sae Mr MacKenzie do ye care to explain tae me why ye came into my wife’s home and disrespected her in this manner? Why I shouldn’t run ye off ma lands?” 

“Hmphm! Disrespect her? She was mine first, my wife!”

“That may be but she made her choice! Ye claim tae love her yet ye call her false? Accuse her of willingly laying with, with that vile evil man! How could ye!?”

Roger collapsed to the chair before my eyes, deflated, overwhelmed by what had happened and no longer able to keep the fight going. He had surrendered to his emotions, anger now dissipated, only despair and longing remained. 

“I dinna know why I said those things! Please, I ken she won’t leave ye, that she doesn’t want me but I might be that boy’s father. I just want to know, to be part of his life. Is he like me? In anyway?”

The last words were spoken softly, his arms raised in mercy towards me, as tears dripped down his cheeks. I could see and feel the pain in him. I couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive him for how he spoke to Bree or laying a hand upon her. But seeing the brokenness of the man before me I did feel compassion and could see no harm in answering his question. 

“Mr MacKenzie, I do understand where ye are coming from but I’ll no have my wife spoken tae in that manner or made tae cry in her own home. I also wilna have any part of ye having tae do with my son without her say. I dinna ken ye but Bree hasn’t mentioned anything that suggests ye are sure to be the father, the bairn favours Bree and his grandfather. And to answer yer previous accusation regarding Bree and me, I dinna lay with her until we were wed AND I kent fully that she was with bairn from near the first I seen her. I am the bairn’s father that is NOT open to discussion, do ye hear?” 

“Aye I do. Thank ye” 

The words spoken softly on a whisper. He looked down at the floor, hands clasped in front of him. 

“Am sorry for how I spoke to her, I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m just sore, all the anger I tramped down these last months, being here seeing ye together, with Alexander, it was too much. I shouldn’t have left her, I should have seen her safe. Everyday since Claire told me I have wrestled with myself for what I let happen to her.”

His words were choked out between sobs, raw emotion for the failure he seen in himself.

“I thank ye for the apology Mr MacKenzie but I believe it’s owed tae Bree, no me. Ye are welcome to stay the night but it will be her decision in the morning as tae if ye stay. And if ye do stay, I’ll warn ye now ye, lay one finger on her body or speak one disrespectful words tae her and I’ll see ye off my property and no in a polite manner. That woman is the very breath and heart of me, I’ll no stand for her to be treated as anything but the lady she is. Especially no in her own home. Are we clear?” 

“Aye we are. I thank ye for the kindness of the room. I want ye to ken am a God fearing man, raised through the Church my Father was a minister. Though he wasn’t my real father, he had died along with my Mam. Sae I understand it dinna take a blood bond tae make a good father but from what I’ve seen ye love him and her. I’m glad she found someone. I’ll make my apologies to her in the morning.”

At that he rose from his chair, bowed to me and walked out of the room.


	19. I’m ending this now

I sat in the front parlour, staring silently at Roger squirming in the chair opposite. I refused to speak first, not after what happened last night. Instead I sat with indignant resolve unmoving in my seat. Alistair had told me of their conversation and that the decision for him to remain to see this plan to stop Bonnet out, lay with me, he would support my decision. 

“I wish to apologise Brianna for what I said and how I behaved.”

I remained unmoving and supplied no response. I was still enraged by what he had said.

“I no I canna take back what I said but please believe me I never blamed ye! I dinna ken why I said that! It was just anger but no at ye, at me. I should never have left yer side, it was my responsibility to see ye safe, mine! And I failed ye.”

He was sobbing now, words stumbling out between gasps of air. 

“I ken ye probably dinna wish to see me ever again after being a brute to ye last night. But Brianna please, I beg ye to forgive me, ye have a good man in Alistair he loves ye and Alexander. I was selfish to think ye would come back to me, I only want yer happiness and if it’s no with me. Well, if it’s no with me then am glad it’s with a man like him.”

His voice was soft and low and I knew the pain it cost him to say those words. 

“Thank you for apologising, it means a lot. I know our relationship has been different and challenging and I certainly didn’t plan to fall in love with someone else. I can only apologise for the hurt it has caused you. Roger I want you to be happy to find the love of your life.”

“I thought I’d found it in ye.”

“Roger, I do care for you but it’s not the same as what I feel for Alistair. I didn’t plan this but we can’t keep going round in circles. I think, Roger, you need to go home, return to your time, be a professor, share your knowledge, fall in love with that woman who will make a perfect professors wife and be happy.” 

“What of Alexander?”

“What of him? Alistair is his father, he will not be told the truth of his parentage. I won’t have that follow his life!”

“I respect that I do, but Bree please, I want to be around to see him, just see him. Ye canna expect me to just walk away from what might be kin?” 

“Roger it will be too hard on you, I know this, I wish I knew, I wish there was something of whoever sired him clear in his features but you’ve seen him, there simply isn’t! I can’t possibly allow you to hold off your life on the chance that he is yours and then what? We tell him the whole horrific tale? How! How do I do that?”

“Yer right Bree it will be hard, I promise I’ll no push in I wouldn’t tell him anything. I can stay at the Ridge yer Da already said I could stay if I wished. I can make my life here, I’ve been gone sae long already. I’ll no do or say anything without your say, I just want to be here, near.”

I didn’t know what to say except, fine, we will make it work. I knew from experience what revelations of true parentage could do, but mine had worked out well in the end. I also seen the hurt that untruth held in relationships, how Daddy had tried to hold to Mama, stop her remembering Da, keep her as his. I couldn’t tell if he was willing to stay for Alexander alone or if it was because of me? He had been unwilling to return to me after first finding out the possibility of my child not being his, what could have changed his mind? Perhaps it was just the not knowing? Wanting to be sure? I didn’t know what the correct course of action was but if he wished to stay in this time, then I would do what I could, to support him. The rest of it I’d figure out as I went.

Saturday arrived and an unnerving air settled on the house. The men all shifted around, pacing outside, minds focused on the task in front of them. Before darkness fell, after sweeping checks to make sure we weren’t being watched, Mama, me and Alexander all headed to Martha and Hamish’s house.   
I was like a buzzing bee, never stopping, couldn’t sit, pacing back and forth, mind racing with worry and what ifs. The thought of something happening to Alistair or Da, even Roger and what of the other men? Those who had willing left their own homes, their own families to come protect mine?! My heart was pounding in my chest and I feared it could be heard by all.   
Mama sat quietly at a chair by the hearth. Poised and contemplating, while staring into the fire. 

“You know I’ve watched and waited for your Father to come back from battle, raids and the like. I’ve lived twenty years without him, somehow surviving. It never gets easier, we just have to have faith they will make it through. You know both he and Alistair would die to see you and Alexander safe, they will not fail you.”

“I know Mama, I really do, am grateful, so grateful, that everyone has willingly stepped in to protect us. But”

I cast my eyes down as tears began to fall, how could I possibly say what was on my heart and mind?

“But what if some of them die? Mama what then? I can’t shake the feeling this is all my fault, I brought this here! Me, by being raped. I shouldn’t have followed you, I should not have yelled at Roger then he wouldn’t have left me. Why did I ask for your ring back? Thinking I could handle this time using how I lived in our old time. How stupid of me! Then I go and marry Alistair and bring this to his door, I could of just went back, when Roger returned. I could have saved Alistair and our men all this risk.”

My arms were stretched out to the side, in despair, tears streaming down my face as I ranted. 

“Bree darling, you don’t mean that, you are just upset and worried.”

I interrupted Mama’s last words.

“Yes, yes I do mean it! This is my fault!”

“No Bree it is not, you were attacked, raped, it is not your fault that Bonnet is a vile man. Alistair loves you, he does not hold any blame to you and he and your Father will put an end to this. You must stop that thinking. I hear what you say but you did come here, you fell in love and you don’t want to leave and go back with Roger. I wouldn’t let you make the same mistakes I made.”

Mama moved to hold me in her arms, I had long grown taller than her but as with Alistair, when Mama took me in her arms I felt small, covered, protected. 

“I’m sorry Mama, this I don’t know where all this is coming from.”

“I do, it’s natural to blame yourself my darling, but all who are involved, everyone of them has come willingly. Alistair hasn’t forced anyone, they love and care for you and Alexander and that is a wonderful thing.”

We stood embraced by the fire, Mama rubbing small circles on my back, soothing me with gentle words. This was out of my control, I had to just trust in my husband and Father and pray. 

The men were all in their positions, waiting as silence filled the house and darkness fell. Alistair had agreed for Martha to be collected as usual from the house by Hamish. As the wagon rolled off, I prayed that I would be enough, that I would see an end to this, that I would see my Sassenach, my Sorcha again, see my daughter and grandchild safe. Alistair was a braw lad, courage and respect for his men. They clearly loved and respected him too, being willing to stand and face danger in this situation. Many of them Highlanders like myself, displaced after the ‘45. Others from Europe, Ireland and England, all united for one purpose. 

The wagon turned the corner, trundling home and disappeared from sight. It was just us men left in the house, Well us and the formidable auld cook Tabitha. She was about four feet high and as thin as a rake. Alistair didn’t know her age and neither did she. Saved from slavery by his father she was fiercely loyal to her employers and her job. Alistair had tried to reason with her that she would be safe with Brianna at Martha and Hamish’s, that they couldn’t do without her if something happened. But she simply stood her ground saying that in the near twenty years she worked the kitchen no man had went hungry and while there were men in the house needing feeding, she’d be the one doing it. And feed us she did. 

As darkness fell fully across the lands. Alistair moved about the house with nervous pace, trying to stick to routine as much as possible not wanting to alarm any of Bonnet’s men, should they be watching. The candles were snuffed out as usual and we waited in darkened silence. Listening as the house groaned and cracked.   
About one in the morning a creaking of a door and footsteps on the wooden floor, alerted to the intruders. Alistair and I were in his bedchamber were Alexander slept. I heard a door burst open and chaos ensued. Shouts and war cries echoing through the house, blood curdling screams of agony. I prayed it wouldn’t be any of Alistair’s men. 

Three darkened men entered the room rushing towards us, blades drawn. I knew Bonnet was not one of them and wondered where he was but had no time to think further on it, as the three barrelled towards us. In the darkness I connected with one of them in his stomach, a ouff of air coming out of his mouth. Alistair moving to my right side blade drawn and held strong. He was small in height but still powerfully built. 

He cut through one male, who dropped to the floor then was beside me again as we dealt with the remaining two. Pistol shots echoed along the upstairs hall and using the distraction to my advantage I plunged my sword into the man in front of me. Alistair doing likewise with his assailant. Heart pounding in my chest, I followed Alistair as we moved into the hall checking for others, checking the men. No causalities on our side so far. Bonnet’s men lay dead on the floor, Alistair’s men dragging their bodies to the back porch. Candles and lanterns relit we checked them over. He wasn’t there.

“Ifrinn!”

“Where is he?!” 

“Why is he no here?”

The house was hastily checked once more still no sign of Bonnet. Where could he be? He wouldn’t send his men alone? Ice ran through my body as realisation dawn.

“Alistair! Get the horses, Hamish’s!”

No further explanation needed men were running grabbing the horses, mounting in one movement we thundered to Hamish’s house.

We were huddled by the fire in the drawing room of Martha and Hamish’s house. He and the two men assigned to us were checking the outside, after we had heard the gunshots ringing out. Suddenly the door burst open and Hamish was pushed in with a pistol held to his head, Bonnet behind him.

“Good evening to ye Mistresses, tis a pleasure to be in such fine company.”

The two other men were pushed into the room also hands bound to each other, one man behind pistol drawn.

“Now as much as I enjoy a tea party, I won’t be joining ye fine ladies. Now if ye behave yer selves like proper ladies no harm with come. I’ve come for one purpose. Hand over my son.”

“He is not your son! You vile evil bastard!”

“Ye wound me! And there’s me thinking we shared a moment?”

Hamish was shoved roughly towards the other man. Bonnet moved towards me, I hadn’t much hope or chance but the pistols were one shot, they might miss and if I got into a better position Hamish had a sgian dubh he could deal with the one behind. It wasn’t much of a plan but over my dead body would he take my son. Mama stood in front of the crib with Martha beside her. 

“How did you know we would be here?”

I managed to speak without my words sounding nervous or tears falling. A cold calmness coming over me.

“Well I’ve spent a far bit of time on the planning, with your Father and husband cut of the same cloth I figured if you found out my plan they’d have ye no where near the house. And so here we are!”

He cast his arms out to the side taking in the room laughing at how clever he was. 

“So you sent your men to die? Knowing we weren’t there? What sort of man are you.”

“Aye well terrible tragedy to be sure, but I’ll have no bother finding new crew, don’t you worry yer pretty wee head about that. Maybe that Roger of yers would come back? Good worker, though terrible at returning to ship when ye need him.”

“What?”

“Oh? Ye didn’t know Roger worked my ship, ‘twas me that seen him safe to shore in the colonies, disparate he was to get here. Left to go save his lovely bride to be, how surprised I was to find it was the same lovely lass that had negotiated on her mother’s ring. Then months after leaving, he’s back at the docks, no lovely bride on his arm but then I hear the rumour, his lovely bride was with child to another and well then ye can guess the rest.”

He bowed as though present before the King of France.

“Well when me men seen the loyal Roger running off from the docks, ye can imagine what my conclusion was.” 

As he had been talking I’d kept his attention on me, moving slowly to one window drawing his attentions. Martha had taken the initiative and grabbed the fire poker, holding it behind her body. The dirk Alistair had given me was in my pocket, easy to get to but noticeable. I needed to pick the right time, I’d have only one chance. 

“So unless yer going to offer up some entertainment for auld times seek sweetheart, I suggest ye hand my son over and get on with it.”

“No!”

“No! I don’t think ye are in a position to refuse. There is no one to protect ye.”

He moved towards me grabbing my arm and shaking me. We were of similar height, I a little taller and used it to my full advantage. Blasted skirts couldn’t let my legs free to kick him in his balls, so I head butted him hard. The crunch of his nose and splutter of blood evidence of its break. I grabbed the dirk and with all my strength thrust it in and upwards into his chest.

“I don’t need someone to protect me, you will never lay hands on my son!”

His face, covered with blood, mouth agape, opening and closing like a fish, looked stunned. Choked breaths gasped in his throat as he sunk heavily to the floor. Hamish had taken the opportunity and ended the other man. Leaving us all staring in wide disbelief, heart hammering in my chest. The door flew open behind once again and Alistair and Da crashed through into the scene of death and blood.   
I ran into Alistair’s arms, sobs racking my body, fear, happiness, anger, thankfulness all competing for space in my body. 

“Yer safe Mo Chridhe, yer safe. Ye braw thing. It’s over now. It’s done.”


	20. Life and what it brings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is the last chapter. Thank you all who have read along, sent kudos or commented.  
> I have a new fic started but will not post until it is finished. This new one will focus on Jamie and Claire.

Alexander chased the kitten along the porch outside Mama’s surgery, giggling as he skipped after it. Rays of sunlight dappling the wooden boards, the warm spring breeze flowing through my hair reminding me along with the high pitched baa’s of lambs in the field of the renewing of life. It as been a long winter and this was the first Alistair and I had been able to visit the Ridge since the snow had fallen making the tracks impassible. My eyes followed the men working the fields, as the sun beat down on them. A steady stream of people with various ailments, came and went from Mama’s surgery. Leaving with a cheerful and hopeful thank ye Mistress Fraser. I rubbed my hand on my still flat stomach, soothing the secret contained within. I was only a few weeks along but already my heart was fit to burst with love for this child. 

The months after Bonnet’s attempt to kidnap Alexander, resulting in his death at my hand, helped to fully heal the hurt that time had caused. Alistair and I continued to enjoy spending time together and watching Alexander grow. Mama and Da on returning to the Ridge, had brought Roger along with them. He had settled well into life there and wrote to Alistair and I regularly.  
Our relationship had improved over numerous visits to both the Ridge and our farm, as he often tagged along with Mama and Da when they travelled to stay with us. Alexander still bore no trait that would show who his true father was and Roger seemed to be content to allow himself to merely know the boy as an uncle.  
I wished he would settle and marry, the Ridge had many new tenants arriving but alas most without eligible young ladies. I worried what would become of him.  
I hadn’t seen him yet this visit, Alistair and I had been here four days and it was unusual that he hadn’t popped into the big house to welcome us, or have dinner. It was strange given that he lived in the original cabin Da had built when they first arrived and it wasn’t far from the big house and neither Mama or Da had mentioned him even in passing comment.

“Mama where is Roger I haven’t seen him yet? Alexander and Alistair have both been asking after him.”

“Oh he’s over at Amy McCallum’s, she is a tenant lives further up the Ridge. Tragic really, her husband died soon after arriving and they hadn’t time to really start much of a croft. She has two young boys so needs some help, Roger had been sorting out work parties to help with planting and that. He should be back in a few days.” 

“Oh that’s nice of him.”

“Yes he is a great help and support to your Father around the Ridge. Did you know he is thinking of being a minister?”

“No he didn’t mention it in the last letter but he would be great.”

“Yes he would, it’s rather a new idea but I think he will go for it.”

A few days later Roger did return as Mama said. He was delighted to see we had all arrived safely and started quick conversation back and forth with Alistair and Da about crops and animal breeding. He seemed in his element, content and relaxed, it was a joy to watch. After supper that night he asked to speak to me outside.  
The moon was full and sky so clear the stars seem innumerable. I loved the clearness of the sky in this time, back in Boston I had never really spent anytime looking up at it, except of course when school homework dictated otherwise. Though with the bright lights of Boston blazing night after night, the sky was dull and lifeless compared to what was spread out before be now. I wrapped my cloak around me tighter against the late evening chill. Roger stood beside me leaning over the veranda railing, staring out into the darkness. 

“Brianna I have news tae tell ye, I dinna wish to announce without letting ye ken before. I’m to marry, the widow Amy McCallum.”

“Oh Roger! That’s wonderful news. I’m so glad you have found someone to make you happy.”

“Aye, she is a fine woman and we have grown sae close these last months as I helped her. Her two boys are just the best. Brianna thank ye, for being happy for me.”

“Why would I not? It’s all I wanted for you am just glad you found it here in this time. I don’t think Mama and Da could do without you now.”

“Nay, I’ve become part of the furniture up here now, I’m glad I stayed Brianna, I’m glad I came.”

He reached out taking my hand in his, a genuine look of care and affection in his eyes. The first I’d seen since, well since that one night between us.

“I do love her and I’ll make sure she and her bairns are cared for.”

“I know you will.”

And I did, the look in his eyes and face told me all I needed to know. Roger spoke to my Father to confirm the engagement and the wedding was planned for four weeks time.  
Spring was a busy period on the Ridge but the tenants all gathered in force for the wedding. Cheering and shouting in joy as they said I do. Da had given Amy away, as landlord of Fraser’s Ridge it was deemed his duty and honour. Both Bride and Groom smiling ear to ear throughout the ceremony. Small kisses and looks exchanged as the happy couple feasted, then snuck off for their wedding night. I watched as Mama and Da stole the same small looks no doubt reminded of their own wedding and appreciating the time they now had and what they had built together, a home, a community, a place where people felt safe and cared for. I smiled to myself and leaned back into the warmth and embrace of Alistair. 

“Sae Mrs McLeod do ye remember our wedding night then?”

Alistair hugged his arms around my front, face buried into my back, kissing the soft exposed skin. 

“I believe I do and several of the times since.”

I moved around to face him, peppering kisses along his lips and cheeks. 

“Only some of the times since? Ack I’ve been doing my job badly then, let’s see if I can drag ye away and help ye make new memories that’ll last ye ken.”

His eyebrows waggled at me and he kissed into my neck and along the tops of my breasts. Making my breath hitch and pulse race. 

“After you Mr McLeod.” I growled into his neck.

He practically carried me up the stairs. Crashing into the bedroom door, grateful for Lizzie looking after all the children this evening. Clothing was ripped off and thrown to the side. Our kissing becoming deeper and more passionate. Hands groping and seeking. Collapsing to the bed, he rose above me and slid home again and again. Each of us crying out at completion. 

Cuddling into each other as our heartbeats and breathing slowed. I reached for his hand bringing it to rest on my stomach.  
Looking at him I smiled softly. Sudden realisation spread across his face and tears fell from his eyes. My secret now our secret, a new life joining ours and what a life it had become, what a journey it was. I took delight in walking it with him. I smiled and snuggled into the warm embrace of my husband. I sighed contently, yes this right here is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed my little fic. As I said before I never liked or bought the match between Roger and Bree, you know you don’t buy a story line when you actually wish as you read that she would marry Lord John and (forgive me for even thinking it!) that she would redeem Bonnet in book 6 and be with him, I like the idea of Bree as a pirate 🤔.  
> The relationship between them feels clunky and clumsy as if well Bree need someone sure Roger will do. I suppose it helps the reader to focus on the love story that is Jamie and Claire and not be distracted. But I just always wished she would have a swept of her feet love moment.


End file.
